I wake up nearly every night afraid that the grill was left on and I have wasted all the propane. I did that once or twice and I have never been cured of the after-effects. I jolt awake for some unknown reason, and then I immediately think of the grill. Did I forget something? My mind immediately goes there.

The other night I had a dream about my Girl and she was singing to me in some high-pitched soaring sort of lilt and I jolted awake. It took me a good second or two to realize that the tail end of Someone's soft snore was the sing-songy tune I heard in my dream. When I emailed the Man later to tell him what had happened he said, "what can I say, I even produce music in my sleep!" Come on. Anyway, the thoughts that entered my mind once I let go of the fact that my Girl was not truly singing to me but my sleeping Sir was instead, was the filthy dirty bathroom floors at the pool. My mind went directly to the floors there and how gelatinously disgusting and slimy they are. I remember earlier that day I took the neighbor girl to the pool along with me and the kids and she had to go to the bathroom. She did not bring her sandals but went in her bare feet and I remember looking at her feet in despair and concern, wondering if I should pick her up instead of allowing her to get tainted like that. My mind went from the floors to realizing the folly of wearing my sandals in there.

Believe it or not, my thoughts continued on and got worse. Not only would the bottoms of my sandals get tainted, I would be a stupid idiot and continue to walk on other grounds with them and then walk in my house with the filth on the bottom of my feet. Those Asians really have something there. They know stuff. I kept thinking about my carpet and how many vile germs from the bowels of hell itself full of wrath and sin would be lingering on my carpet, ready to enter my children's rectums by way of their sitting on the bare floor. Oh yes, but they would have clothes on. But suppose they have just underwear on or their swimming suits? I vowed that I would wash my feet and my family's feet before entering bed every night from there on out so the germs would not follow them to their sheets and creep in their beds and haunt them in their sleep. Oh good grief, I would clean the stinking carpet the next day in great haste, no matter what I had planned.

And yes, those thoughts, the thoughts full of resolve, like washing feet and cleaning carpet, were the only thoughts that would allow my mind to wander and drift back into sleep, the kingdom of whistling voices and spiraling clouds of whispering slumber.

I have crazy thoughts at night.

Last night we went to small group for our church and I had issues with going barefoot in the house because that is how they did things there. Barefoot? I thought. I felt a little self-conscious in my bare feet, Dear Sir was running around in his socks, we all felt a little naked. Of course, the woman of the house is Asian and knows her stuff. Her customs are to do such things and this is smart. But do I have the guts to do this in my own home? No...good grief, I thought, I could never do this.

It would so feed my Howard Hughes tendencies and it would not be good.


August said...

Soon, we are tearing out the carpet in our bedrooms (the only place where we have carpet) and replacing them with hardwood. I can't wait. It makes me sick to think of what lingers deep in the fibers. Uggh.

R said...

I am exceedingly jealous. We would probably only be able to afford carpet to replace the carpet. Argh.

~Jennifer said...

And last night I was thinking about you while I was lying awake, you and coins and cheese. I do not kid.

I wanted to assure you that the human body is a wonderful and marvelous thing, and that the bacteria you may find on coins and cheese is found everywhere, probably even in your mouth, and that our bodies have such an incredible way of dealing with the bacteria. In other words, dear Rachel, you and yours are safe.

As far as the slimy bathroom floor goes, though, all bets are off. That's just gross. ;-)

I'm related to Howard Hughes, by the way.

R said...

No joke? Can you tell me why he only trusted Mormons?


Carolanne said...

Actually, don't they say that being around bacteria and such makes you more immune than those who live in sterile homes?

Many people in Australia, also take their shoes off when they enter a home. (Must be asia-pacific). One of our friends did not take his boots off when he first came to our "new" home with white carpets and I have the evidence to prove it. He and his wife insist everyone take their shoes off when we go there but did he reciprocate?? No.

I've never mistaken snoring for music. For motorbikes going past, yes, for trucks going past, yes, for dogs barking, maybe, but music? No!

Anonymous said...

with that way of thinking, you would make a good scrub nurse because that is all about aeseptic technique. figuring out what touches what and then what touches that, and not touching it. I get like that a lot and drive myself crazy. I'm a shoe remover

Carolanne said...

What happened to the 10 second rule anyway?

shealyisnottheantichrist said...

I have a rug by my front door to put shoes on if people want to take them off. I only insist if shoes are visibly muddy or wet. Currently my floors are so filthy with the remodeling going on that it probably makes the bacteria queasy. I will not mention that I am jealous that your church even has home groups. No, not me. I am content in Wackoland.

Anne said...

Okay, I woke up last night dreaming my daughter had fallen down the stairs and how angry I was that she was going down the steps in her flip flops.

"Gelatinously disgusting and slimy" has to be the best discription of bathroom floors at a pool I have ever read/heard. You kill me.

The Woman said...

Note to self... Never go to the pool.

R said...

Carolanne---Maybe we are ok then being so full of dirt in this house!!
The ten second rule still applies, I think. :)I never knew that about you Aussies! I learn something new every day!!!

BaDoozie--gee, thanks. I never thought that I may have a gift. Paranoia is what it really is, but you are being kind. You somehow seem like a shoe remover.

Shealy---I am still a bit sad about the tile being removed in that bathroom. {sniff, sniff}

Anne---Spoken like a true mother! I have such a lack of sympathy for my kids it is almost disgusting.

Woman--No kidding.

~Jennifer said...

The only thing I can tell you about him is what I learned in the movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio. ;-)

Obviously we were not close relatives. At least you didn't ask if I got any of his money. That's what most people ask. (The answer would be no. lol)

R said...

Jennifer---I figure when someone is distantly related to someone who is weird and rich, they don't get the money. I think I know who got the money anyway, or at least it was disputed. Apparently he wanted to give his money to a man who helped him when he was on the side of the road (he may have been a Mormon, not that that matters) and left the money to him in his will. I think the family went into an uproar over that and it is still to be determined? Something like that I heard from Dear Sir many moons ago.