Here they are, the crazy little rubber toys at the local Dollar General dispenser for a quarter each. I was an idiot. For months my kids have been begging to go to Dollar General for various things and lo and behold, they have been using ALL their freakin' quarters to buy these things. They have a small army. When the dispenser was once full, now it is almost empty not only because they have bought some, they have also gotten the neighborhood kids into them. I mean, the kidz in da `hood.
They have made up their own names for them (because they have never seen THIS actual packaging) and have no idea that they are sort of ghetto Gumbys, so to speak. So they asked for more of these guys for Christmas. I could not picture myself going to the stupid Dollar General and wasting my quarters. Would I not look like a total RETARD getting ghetto rubber toys out of a dispenser? A grown woman?
Loser Dollar General Guy to Loser Dollar General Gal: "Hey, check out that chick over there at the dispenser. Weird."
No way, man.
So I had the grand idea that they had to be purchased by some vender somewhere. I looked them up on our glorious net. They were listed as "Blockheadz: eight urban style figurines." I almost fell out of my chair laughing.
Apparently you can buy them in bulk.
So I did.
I got two hundred fifty of them in little bubble packaging, just like I were going to waltz over to Dollar General myself and put them IN the dispenser. YES.
Yesterday we were driving to the doctor. Stick with me, and bear with me here.
"Mom, can we stop at Dollar General?! I mean, I am getting that beetle poison on my rash again, so I should get a treat!" shouted Eraser Eater from the back seat. (I will fill you in on beetle poison later for those who are especially curious)
I thought about the Blockheadz just marinating in my closet, still in the box. I thought about the jingling quarters in their pockets and the $27.50 plus shipping I paid for the dang things. I thought for a second about charging them from my own stockpile but then thought better of it. I wanted to wow them. I wanted them to be in awe of my motherly power.
"So Oldest, " I said slyly, "if you could have any Blockhead you wanted, which one would it be?"
"Definitely a red "dude"," he said wide-eyed. He pulled out a spare blockhead from a pocket and showed me what it looked like.
"Huh," I uttered, "What about you, Eraser-Eater?"
"I want a green "smiley" and I can show you what he looks like!" He pulled a blue one out to show me but I already knew what that one looked like.
"And you, Girl?" I asked.
"I want a blue 'robot'!"
We went to the doctor.
On the way home they asked to go to Dollar General.
"Out of the way guys, sorry."
They all whimpered and sighed.
When we got home I went upstairs. I got the EXACT things they said they wanted and pulled them out of my stash. I put them in my pockets.
I put one in the Oldest's pocket. He pulled it out and squealed with delight. "How did you DO this mom?! It's a miracle!"
Eraser Eater knew that he was next so he ran directly to me like he was on fire. "I don't care where you put it, put it in my pocket, put it anywhere you want," he stuck out his hand. I put it in his pocket as his eyes were closed ready to receive. He almost pooped his pants when it was the EXACT one he wanted.
The Girl knew better. She just looked at me and stuck her hand out, eyes open. "Thanks, Mom," she said. She yelled above them and declared how great it was they got what they wanted.
"Mom, how did you do that?" She asked, the wheels turning. I could see she knew the answer before she finished her question.
"J-j-j-ust don't ask questions, Girl, you know when you do that she will change it...." the Oldest whispered.
This morning I wrote on the board that if they finished school diligently without ONE complaint, they can have another Blockhead for FREE.
School was finished by 10:00 a.m. And I mean, EVERYTHING, plus piano, chores, and co-op homework.
I took a bath.
The Girl asked me earlier this morning, "Mom, you got a box last week from the UPS guy. Can't you buy Blockheadz online?"
I put my finger over my lips. "Don't ask questions," I said, "and quit being so smart. They can't know."