Little Bubbles of Gold

Here they are, the crazy little rubber toys at the local Dollar General dispenser for a quarter each. I was an idiot. For months my kids have been begging to go to Dollar General for various things and lo and behold, they have been using ALL their freakin' quarters to buy these things. They have a small army. When the dispenser was once full, now it is almost empty not only because they have bought some, they have also gotten the neighborhood kids into them. I mean, the kidz in da `hood. 

They have made up their own names for them (because they have never seen THIS actual packaging) and have no idea that they are sort of ghetto Gumbys, so to speak. So they asked for more of these guys for Christmas. I could not picture myself going to the stupid Dollar General and wasting my quarters. Would I not look like a total RETARD getting ghetto rubber toys out of a dispenser? A grown woman? 

Loser Dollar General Guy to Loser Dollar General Gal: "Hey, check out that chick over there at the dispenser. Weird."

No way, man.

So I had the grand idea that they had to be purchased by some vender somewhere. I looked them up on our glorious net. They were listed as "Blockheadz: eight urban style figurines." I almost fell out of my chair laughing. 

Apparently you can buy them in bulk. 

So I did. 

I got two hundred fifty of them in little bubble packaging, just like I were going to waltz over to Dollar General myself and put them IN the dispenser. YES. 

Yesterday we were driving to the doctor. Stick with me, and bear with me here.

"Mom, can we stop at Dollar General?! I mean, I am getting that beetle poison on my rash again, so I should get a treat!" shouted Eraser Eater from the back seat. (I will fill you in on beetle poison later for those who are especially curious)

I thought about the Blockheadz just marinating in my closet, still in the box. I thought about the jingling quarters in their pockets and the $27.50 plus shipping I paid for the dang things. I thought for a second about charging them from my own stockpile but then thought better of it. I wanted to wow them. I wanted them to be in awe of my motherly power.

"So Oldest, " I said slyly, "if you could have any Blockhead you wanted, which one would it be?"

"Definitely a red "dude"," he said wide-eyed. He pulled out a spare blockhead from a pocket and showed me what it looked like. 

"Huh," I uttered, "What about you, Eraser-Eater?"

"I want a green "smiley" and I can show you what he looks like!" He pulled a blue one out to show me but I already knew what that one looked like.

"And you, Girl?" I asked. 

"I want a blue 'robot'!"

We went to the doctor. 

On the way home they asked to go to Dollar General.

"Out of the way guys, sorry."

They all whimpered and sighed. 

When we got home I went upstairs. I got the EXACT things they said they wanted and pulled them out of my stash. I put them in my pockets. 

I put one in the Oldest's pocket. He pulled it out and squealed with delight. "How did you DO this mom?! It's a miracle!"

Eraser Eater knew that he was next so he ran directly to me like he was on fire. "I don't care where you put it, put it in my pocket, put it anywhere you want," he stuck out his hand. I put it in his pocket as his eyes were closed ready to receive. He almost pooped his pants when it was the EXACT one he wanted.

The Girl knew better. She just looked at me and stuck her hand out, eyes open. "Thanks, Mom," she said. She yelled above them and declared how great it was they got what they wanted.

"Mom, how did you do that?" She asked, the wheels turning. I could see she knew the answer before she finished her question. 

"J-j-j-ust don't ask questions, Girl, you know when you do that she will change it...." the Oldest whispered.

This morning I wrote on the board that if they finished school diligently without ONE complaint, they can have another Blockhead for FREE.

School was finished by 10:00 a.m. And I mean, EVERYTHING, plus piano, chores, and co-op homework.

I took a bath.

The Girl asked me earlier this morning, "Mom, you got a box last week from the UPS guy. Can't you buy Blockheadz online?"

I put my finger over my lips. "Don't ask questions," I said, "and quit being so smart. They can't know."


The Oldest, the Drama King

Have I ever told you all that the Oldest is a fabulous pianist? Well, at least I think so. He's been playing for a long time and he also has an excellent teacher. 

I have decided, well, the Professor and I have decided to take all games away from the Oldest. In his heart, that is all he has been living for, no joke. It would be all he would think about. He has been off games for a good spell (a few weeks now) and he is doing better behaviorally. 

It is sad though because he is playing Mario and Sonic music on the piano as I type. Desperation. I guess he is still thinking about it. Wait. He has moved on to classical. Now the Girl and Eraser Eater are trying to throw out songs for him to play. 

When we were at the grocery store the other day I went in to buy some ice cream. "Are we ready to go yet?" pleaded the Oldest.
"No, I still have to go and get some waffles," I said.
"Waffles? What? You NEVER buy waffles!" 
"Can you grab those marshmallows?" I asked him.
"Are you kidding me? I LOVE marshmallows!!"
"Get two bags, please," I walked down the aisle.
"This is crazy," the Oldest said incredulously.
"And I think I want some Twinkies," I grabbed a box as I passed the bread aisle.
"What!!!??? I am in shock and I am going nuts here, Mom. Twinkies?!" 
I guess I never buy them.
"At this rate Mom, my luck is so great that I KNOW you are going to buy me an Archie when we get to the check out!" he cried in utter shock and drama.

"There's NO ARCHIE!!!!" the Oldest whispered in a faint yelp over the gum display.
I snapped my fingers in disappointment. "Missed your chance, dude."


The boys keep fighting. 

Eraser Eater just screamed. I mean, screamed at the top of his lungs. He roared out something like, "I am NOT A BABY!!!!"

I lost my mind trying to reason with them. Not only is it impossible to reason with them when reason comes to mind, it is impossible to grapple this task when it is 7:30 in the morning. The Professor said to me when I exited the bathroom from washing my face, "Why are you such a morning person?" Then he hugged me. 

As much as I love him I felt like slugging him. I just wake up full of hatred. The man wakes me up in the morning so I don't have to use the alarm clock. I am afraid of it. I wake up all night when I use it. Just the idea that sometime eventually it will start to make horrendous noise to wake me up keeps me awake. What usually happens is my body jolts awake a literal minute before it goes off so I can save myself the struggle of hearing the noise. 

A much better alarm clock is the Professor who hugs me awake and says not a word because he fears for his very life. 

I have had coffee but I am still struggling with constructing a sentence that starts with a capital letter, makes sense, and is finished with an end mark. 

And I have only run 12 miles this week. I am pathetic. I just don't feel like it lately. I don't know what it is. 

I make myself crazy.


Ten Things

I just don't have time to blog. Sorry.
So I will list.

Things learned and/or encountered this week:

1. Time lost by not saying "no" to people that want to talk my ear off.

2. I can homeschool four kids at one time but it takes awhile! :) My niece and nephew are here and the kids have had a great time. It has been fun combining school too.

3. Oobleck

4. Egyptians mummified insects.

5. I make great homemade pizza.

6. I was suffering indigestion but acidophilus took care of it.

7. My daughter has this swing she loves that is a yellow rope over a branch in the front yard. In his anger, my Oldest broke the little nubby branch to make my daughter mad. She came inside like her arm broke declaring, "I wish this day never came!" It truly was her main delight of going outside every day. I could have tied my Oldest to said tree and fed him sardines and put a dunce cap on his head, but instead I made him sit in the sunroom and read the Bible. I was so angry I did not want to truly torture the boy. I mean, I did, but I knew that it would be bad of me. So---while he sat in the sunroom, I went to the shed and CUT a new branch down and CARVED a groove into the thing so the Girl could have her swing back. I could think of nothing else to do.

8. Adulthood is thinking every bad name in the book to call someone you are angry at, but not doing it.

9. Skinny people can feel fat even when they hear that Tara Reid is only 105 pounds.

10. Conservatives don't gloat like Liberals, and that's a fact. Um, no offense.


Nothing is Perfect

Sadly, I think the eagles could have flown Frodo into Mordor to drop the Ring of Power in the cracks of Mt. Doom. 


We are What Jeremiah Lamented

I am bummed about the election. Not because I didn't think Obama would win; I did think he would. It is just sad when it finally happens. Not that I don't think about this regularly, but I am tired of the fact that no one talks about the unborn of our country. Having legal abortion is condoning it before God. This is a scary position that we have been in for a long time. And it looks as if nothing will be remedied at least as far as we can see. 

Sex without consequences. Instead of honoring and respecting the fruits of our love, we kill them so we don't have to be burdened with parenthood. And parenthood is burdensome because we value money and success over children. And we don't discipline our children because we don't want to obey the Bible, so we view them as hassles because we allow them to run wild. The best solution for us in America's estimation is to just chop our children up in the womb instead of letting them live and then disciplining them and loving them as God ordained. 

We will at some point really feel this loss of life that we are taking into our own hands now. 

And I am tired of hearing about how people worry so much about animals and preserving them and their natural habitats and malarkey like that when we slaughter our own children so we can have the pleasure of sex and not worry about remaining pregnant. I was pregnant in high school. I had my baby because abortion is not an option. And I hate to even use the word consequence when I speak of pregnancy. It is no consequence. It is a blessing. And I was one of the blessed girls who, in my sin, God chose to give me a child despite my disobedience. The grace of God is abundant! 

I am sickened that we have a country that will send a fire squad to rescue a dog drowning in a rapid river but will not rescue a child from being diced up within her mother's womb. I say God is giving us over to our sin as a country. If we so desire to be wretched, we will be and God will allow it. People have lost their minds.


Ode to Obama (It really sucks, but I am no poet)

My back hurts really bad. I don't know why. 
Obama is probably going to win and we will be socialists.
The lines at the polls were crazy long.
I was yelping out in pain and scaring all the localists.

I am unorganized.
Homeschoolers are not socialized.
Forced public school
and money free
Obama won't you marry me

Starbucks, Chick-fil-a, and Ben and Jerry's 
Give you free stuff if you vote
free ice cream, free coffee, free chicken burgs
is just the precursor
to lots of free stuff. Lots of it.