Yesterday I took the kids to the weekly library visit. The Oldest's reading program requires him to read books according to theme, and so that is what we are abiding by. I was trying to help the boy find a "western" novel. The only thing I could think of finding for him was a Louis L'Amour book, but I have never read any of them and don't know if they are clean. I am not about to pick one up and try it either. I have way too many books to read before I die. I tried to rack my brain as to what classic there is that is set in the West, and I can't think of ANYTHING. I mean, the wild west. I thought of Owen Wister's The Virginian and that's about it. I think it would bore my son to tears, is what it would do. I also thought about Laughing Boy but it has some adultery in it and a little bit of murder/violence, so I didn't want that. I was having a brain freeze.
So, I decided to do what I never do and ask a librarian. When the boy signed up for the program the librarian (the nice one) told us to feel free to ask for suggestions at the table. The reason I never ask them is because even though they are librarians, they have no clue about books. I have mentioned many books in my time to some of them that are common and they look at me with their mouth open like I just spoke (as Doozie would say) Swahili.
I went up to the librarian lady that is sort of a strange one, thinking since she is not as nice as the other one she may just know her stuff since she lacks social skills. Boy, was I an idiot to do that.
"I am looking for a book in the young adult section for my son. He needs to fill the "western" quota for the reading program's game board. Do you know of any good western books that I could look at for him to read?"
She looked at me, uncertain of whether or not she wanted to deal with me. She had a book in her hand that she was trying to check in, and I was disturbing her.
"Well, the other librarians are tied up at the moment," she said, "and I don't know of any western books."
I quickly realized my mistake.
She continued, "Some people find it helpful to look at the back of a book and see what it is about. In that section over there," she pointed to where I was standing, the oaf--"is the young adult section. You can look at any of those and pick up a book and look at the back of it."
I almost laughed out loud. Was she kidding? No, she was completely serious. I just said, "yeah, ok." and she continued to do her book job. I could have slugged her. Really? I can touch the books? I can read the back? I almost told her that I could not read, so she needed to help me read the backs of the books. I am surprised she granted me that grace, assuming I had the ability to read. Well, everyone knows how to READ, just no one knows how to find a particular subject by looking at the back of a book!
I know I should have said something, but the lady was obviously so chemically imbalanced in her brain that she would probably have a breakdown at the counter because a patron stood up for herself. I think librarians are freaks and need to have their hair flushed in a public toilet.