Librarians are a Gruesome Species

Yesterday I took the kids to the weekly library visit. The Oldest's reading program requires him to read books according to theme, and so that is what we are abiding by. I was trying to help the boy find a "western" novel. The only thing I could think of finding for him was a Louis L'Amour book, but I have never read any of them and don't know if they are clean. I am not about to pick one up and try it either. I have way too many books to read before I die. I tried to rack my brain as to what classic there is that is set in the West, and I can't think of ANYTHING. I mean, the wild west. I thought of Owen Wister's The Virginian and that's about it. I think it would bore my son to tears, is what it would do. I also thought about Laughing Boy but it has some adultery in it and a little bit of murder/violence, so I didn't want that. I was having a brain freeze.

So, I decided to do what I never do and ask a librarian. When the boy signed up for the program the librarian (the nice one) told us to feel free to ask for suggestions at the table. The reason I never ask them is because even though they are librarians, they have no clue about books. I have mentioned many books in my time to some of them that are common and they look at me with their mouth open like I just spoke (as Doozie would say) Swahili.

I went up to the librarian lady that is sort of a strange one, thinking since she is not as nice as the other one she may just know her stuff since she lacks social skills. Boy, was I an idiot to do that.
"I am looking for a book in the young adult section for my son. He needs to fill the "western" quota for the reading program's game board. Do you know of any good western books that I could look at for him to read?"

She looked at me, uncertain of whether or not she wanted to deal with me. She had a book in her hand that she was trying to check in, and I was disturbing her.
"Well, the other librarians are tied up at the moment," she said, "and I don't know of any western books."
I quickly realized my mistake.
She continued, "Some people find it helpful to look at the back of a book and see what it is about. In that section over there," she pointed to where I was standing, the oaf--"is the young adult section. You can look at any of those and pick up a book and look at the back of it."

I almost laughed out loud. Was she kidding? No, she was completely serious. I just said, "yeah, ok." and she continued to do her book job. I could have slugged her. Really? I can touch the books? I can read the back? I almost told her that I could not read, so she needed to help me read the backs of the books. I am surprised she granted me that grace, assuming I had the ability to read. Well, everyone knows how to READ, just no one knows how to find a particular subject by looking at the back of a book!

I know I should have said something, but the lady was obviously so chemically imbalanced in her brain that she would probably have a breakdown at the counter because a patron stood up for herself. I think librarians are freaks and need to have their hair flushed in a public toilet.


Anonymous said...

I've read any number of Louis L'Amour books over the years - my dad was a big fan of his. There is always some violence; every cowboy story has some violence, but otherwise they're pretty good. He's a good writer.

Another old western guy is Zane Grey, although it's been many-a-moon since I've read any of his stuff and I don't remember much about them. Again, my dad had a whole collection, and he was pretty straight-laced, so they're probably okay.

I wouldn't recommend Larry McMurty for kids, but he writes a good western.

Where do they get these librarians anyway? Gee, you'd think you'd be a little interested in books if you're going to work in a library. I'm not sure about the public toilet thing, but some of them do seem a bit freakish.

Emily said...

How about Hank the Cowdog? They are hysterical and I would consider them "western". Heck they take place on a ranch. :-)

Or if you need something more serious there are those Ralph Moody books. I haven't read any so I don't know how appropriate they are for your son, but they are in all the homeschool catalogs so they are probably safe.

Dapoppins said...

I was gonna say Hank too! lol

and please, no public flushing, it might clog the toilets.

Todd said...

You should get an application from the U.S. Post Office and give it to the librarian.

Tell her it pays more, has better benefits and she would fit right in - with minimal training required.

The Woman said...

I'm all for Hank too! :o)

Maybe she wasn't really a librarian? Somebody just helping out? not very helpful either way.

KingJaymz said...

If I had enough matches, I would burn down every single library in the country so that all librarians would be forced to get jobs at 7-Eleven or Monkey Butt Nerd Jockey Shop so that they would be forced to sell comic books for a living.

...okay, so maybe I wouldn't, but it sure feels good to say!

Just feel fortunate that you don't live in a small town with only one tiny library and one librarian...one very bad librarian. You get stuck with having to deal with them every time for years.

Just bring the hand gun next time and fire off a couple o' rounds into the ceiling next time. Follow that up with "Stand and deliver, or the devil he may take ya." That'll get her attention real good. (It's the Irish in me speaking, if you couldn't tell)

shealyisnottheantichrist said...

King Jaymz is hysterical!! I agree with JRH on westerns, and Hank is good as well, but he is for younger readers. I think you might try one of each and see which he enjoys the most.
I am sorry that your librarians are so awful. Our librarians have been nothing less than spectacular even though we live in somewhat of an uncultured cow town (Boise). Go figure. We keep our local freaks employed by the post office, much as Todd suggested.

Anne said...

So the library is requiring themes but no one working at the library can help you locate those themes? Ok.

Carolanne said...

I'm so glad I didn't become a librarian like some tried to encourage me to. Whew! I don't want my hair being flushed down the loo.

We live in a small town, small library and the librarian is quite helpful but I don't go there cause the library is too small. Instead, like today, I went to Borders! Now who needs a librarian when one can go to Borders. Actually, I should catalogue all our books and become a home librarian. Hmmmm. That might work!

Anonymous said...

well I have no suggestions but the others have covered it nicely. I am so glad to know that you can find out about a book from reading the back, and here I just smell them and marvel at the cover?

R said...

JRH---Thanks for the suggestions! Although I was a tad disappointed you didn't think the hair flushed in a public toilet was a good idea. Darn.

Emily---I will look for those.

Dapoppins---but it is the only revenge that I can seek in my mind that seems fit---she insulted me!!!:)

Todd--Ain't that the truth!

Woman---no people that work at the library really are supposed to but are totally unqualified. It is sad.

KingJaymz---Now that is what I am talking about! Good grief! I needed that comment! Everyone is down on the public toilet flushing (I say this because "public" government places are dear to these peoples hearts and they don't know how to help a patron in need)and you have an even better solution. I will bring the Oldest's cap gun next time and have him make a huge western sort of racket claiming that book she recommended I read the back of really did him in.

Shealy---I know, he cracks me up. Yes, the ones in Boise are really great, I have been there a few times. Actually all the librarians at this one are great too except the mean one. That is typically how it is here. All nice, one mean and I always happen to get the mean one a time or two and something always happens! Argh!

Anne---Exactly. Dumb, eh?

Carolanne---yours wouldn't be flushed down because you would be the most competent person in your field. You would put a new name on librarian. Must I say more? You would be spectacular!!!
Yeah, Borders is much better, I admit. More selection.

Doozie---I know, I never knew I could read a synopsis of a book from the back of it. What a wonder. That helped me greatly, I swear. It helped me so much I found a book for him that had nothing on the back, it just looked like it might be a western book from the title.

Emma Sometimes said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
~Jennifer said...

I like our librarians. :-D

My son gets tired of being told he looks like Harry Potter, though. Once after one of the librarians told him that he took off his glasses, and then another one told him he looked like Frodo. lol

shealyisnottheantichrist said...

I love the name, Monkey Butt Nerd Jockey. Maybe I can use it for My Space.

Emmasnotanantichrist either said...

LOL, Shealy...go for it.

By the way, I've heard you mention a certain city in ID? Are you from there? Badoozie is too...

R said...

Emma---Maybe I am a complete dunce, but I have no clue what a Butt Monkey Nerd Jockey is. Is that something in the news? Is this common knowledge? Have I had my head in a cave? Should I know this? Did my secret bad woman twin say this to someone? Eh?

Regardless, I agree with you. I have had nothing but jobs that are ones to semi-look down on, so I know how it feels. I had a boyfriend once who used to make fun of me because I worked at Albertsons. Dumped him.

You know, I don't know if I just attract snotty people or what, but since moving here I have had a couple of problems with librarians. I have issues with people that say, work in the shoe department and don't know what "sketchers" are, or who you know, say, work at the library and don't know who Thomas Hardy is. That's bad.

I am glad you all are blessed with nice librarians. I am not always so lucky. Oh well. I must be my own librarian, I suppose.


Comic Book Store Owner Making Bank said...

Monkey Butt Nerd Jockey came from King Jaymz comment.

R said...

Sorry Emma---I totally read Jared's comment but lost the top part of it in my memory and only retained the second part!!! HA HA!!!!

What a fart face I am.

Can you tell that I was going out the door as I read comments today? Gee whiz.

Carolanne said...

You are too kind to me!
Sometimes you seem to have me on the highest bookshelf! LOL
Open my pages and see I'm just all words. :O)

R said...

Come on, Carolanne, I am not. :)