I am a bit downtrodden, if that could be the proper way to explain my feelings this evening. I went to a Homeschool Mom's meeting tonight and I was hoping to find someone that would want to be my friend. I mean, the ladies there are nice and all, but no one has actually asked me for my information. I had to ask people kind of like I want to date them or something and the depressing part is, I don't know if I have it in me to pursue anyone. I want friends, gee do I want them (because you know, I just moved here half a year ago) but do I want to stick myself out there vulnerably? To me it is vulnerability. And, trust me, I don't talk like I write. I mean, I kind of do, but I always biff up something. I notice when the ladies I talk to give me that side long stare like, "get on with it---spit it out" or "what the heck is she saying?" I find that what I want to say does not always come out the way I wish to say it. Maybe I am just slow. I suffer from being slow. I guess. I don't know. I can't make small talk, I don't like talking all that much, and I just feel like I have made all my friends---I was successful at one point and now to start from scratch again? Gee whiz. I have forgotten how to do it.

And then I realize that a lot of what I tell people they could really care less about. Keep it short and simple, huh? No one wants to hear me go on about the wonders of Latin derivatives. Who gives a rip? But you know, having a Mom's meeting at night is a bad idea. I am tired by the time I drag myself in there. I may as well just sleep at the table while the other Moms are talking about various curriculum (curricula?) and when to take time off. I am talking about homeschooling on my time off and frankly, I would rather be sleeping. And now I am just rambling. If you, dear reader, have made it this far you have much patience.

Eraser Eater is participating in his first spelling bee tomorrow, wish him luck. He is set to win.

Sorry I am such a downer.

Apparently last night some kids lit the car across the street on fire after pouring gasoline all over it and the whole fire crew and the king's horses and the king's men were here and we didn't even hear it. I say last night and it was two thirty in the morning. Huh. My neck hurts though. Good night.


Funky-Redhead said...

I so feel the exact same way.

graybandit said...

not sure what to say.

however, got your car burning beat...somebody burned down a porta-potty on a jobsite of ours a few years back.


Lisa said...

Hang in there, sweetie! I've lived here for 4 years and am only just now making a wee bit of progress in the friends department. I got hugged in the grocery store by a lil old lady from church! *Grin*

Keep us posted on the spelling bee!


Badoozie said...

ok, having never been in your shoes with homeschooling crowds, i will not respectfully submit some suggestions:

when at meetings where you are being ignored, it never hurts to act like a child. i mean come ON, you are surrounded by mothers, they'll likely be very glad for the diversion, so they can demonstrate their wonderful mommy skills

you could also come dressed as mary poppins, or betsy ross, stop wearing cute clothes, they hate you girl! you're too cute for them!

tell them you have a disease that will make them feel sorry for you and or get a fund raiser started on your behalf, they might even put those jars around town with your picture on it. lets say you have something like "trichotilimania" or "frotterism", or "hypocondriasis"
"conflictualfeelingatmeetingwithothermoms ITIS"
ok enough

R said...

Funky---I am relieved I am not the only one

Graybandit---the port a potty is weird.

Lisa---thanks for the spelling bee well wishes. Eraser Eater got second place in his grade, and he was disappointed but took it well! He lost to a real worthy friend of his, so it was good.

Susie--You crack me up. I hope women don't truly think like that!

Emma Sometimes said...

I have to pick up my kids at school, but I wanted to comment before I did.....badoozer is smoking doobies again or hitting the vitamin shakes too hard.

I hope your son does well!

Des said...

It's hard making friends after a move. My sister, a military wife, advised me that one should not even expect to make friends for the first year. She swears that for the first year you give off some sort of a messed up vibe that marks you as a person not to be too friendly with. It's all part of the adjustment.

It's been almost a year and a half here, and I have not really made any friends either. Oh, there are two women I like a lot, but our lives are different and we have little time to get together. Of course, they are both from New Jersey! Surprised?

Hang in there!