Biffing It

So I went to band rehearsal tonight. Everything went fairly well; no major issues. I walked out of there and literally fell on myself (my guitar went PLONK! And I lost a shoe). I actually could not see down the steps even though there was some light and walked into a bush. Real SLICK. I actually walked INSIDE a bush. Haven't done that madness since I was a kid. Reminds me of my mother. She is the type of woman where if there is a pothole, she will find it. You are going to your destination a pied and there you have it, you end up walking by yourself hearing a screech in the background. "Wha?" you think. All that needs to happen is a total turn of the head and you see the woman DOWN, on the ground and saying, "I can't help it, I fell." That's right. It is normal for this person. I mean, winter did not go without a husband taking this woman down the porch steps so she could keep herself from slipping on the DEW.

And think, I said the major thing that to this day I have to accept. I was walking to my car with my bandmate beside me and I said, "I am a lot like my mother. I am clumsy like that. If there is a pothole, she finds it."

He said, "Yeah, I guess so. I will get a better light installed."

He is a great guy, but I don't think it's the light's problem.

Yep, you guessed it. It's all in the genes. Me.

And, to make matters worse, I hit my knee cap with my guitar body somehow today and now it hurts. I was thankful that my guitar was unharmed, but gee, my knee cap hurts. Dear Sir says that I am going to be one of those old ladies that falls down and breaks her hip. Oh yeah. I just remembered. I have already written this to you before. Remember when I fell down the stairs and my arm turned a multitude of colors? Yeah, you remember. This post does not shock you one bit, does it?

It's late. I am tired and my breath stinks. I can smell it from here. I better go up and brush my teeth very quietly. Don't want to wake the old man.


Anne said...

Well, glad to find out I'm not the ony one who.... needs a good teeth brushing. :)

By the way, I have a big dent in the top of my right thigh which is where my guitar has rested while playing it all these years - 27 to be exact.

Badoozie said...

ok, you made me laugh outloud....this is funny stuff. your mom must be my mom too. we must be sisters? i'm a total clutztard. if theres a curb, i drive over it. if there's a hole i fall in it. if theres an uneven sidewalk i trip on it. if theres stairs i fall UP them. if theres..ok you get the point. i'm covered in bruises. BUT on the flipside i provide others with a lot of laughs.

R said...

Anne--thank you for making me feel better about my breath---I had a glass of red wine on an empty stomach and sheesh, it makes you a pit of reek.

I get the big dent too, but it is not permanent! I have not been playing guitar very long---a little over a year now--but I can play now, which is shocking to me. I have been watching my brother (the guitar genius) play for years and have just studied him, so I can remember a few things he has done when I teach myself. I can't wait to play WELL.

Susie---I am so glad I made you laugh! You make everyone else laugh, I can imagine that it would be hard to make you laugh sometimes because you have very original thoughts! I love the way you describe people. It is a kick in the pants.
I think we are sisters separated at birth or something. We have both learned to be somewhat tough because if someone else doesn't kill us, we will kill ourselves just out of utter clumziness!
By the way, I fall UP the stairs all the time.

Redneck Nerdboy! said...

Omg, I AM JUST LIKE THAT!!! It's like this entire world was built just so that I hit every corner of it with something!


Love your blog, by the way. :)

Funky-Redhead said...

It is genetic! My grandmother, mother and I aLL can't keep our feet out of holes! My mom has been saying that ever since I started "putting my foot in it," LITERALLY!

R said...

Whew! You guys sure know how to make a clumsy freak feel better about herself...I suddenly don't feel so stinking lonely.

Anonymous said...

I'm clumsy too! I fall off bikes for no reason. I fell off my deck and sprained my right ankle last fall. Then two weeks later, I fell off and sprained the left ankle! I fall so often my husband is always afraid I've broken a hip! We have so much in common!

R said...

LOL!!Oh my goodness, Des, we do have so much in common! I just remembered a semi-recent blog entry of mine where I bruised my right thigh so badly (it was the size of a volley ball) the week before my wedding. Boy, is that a good memory. I literally jumped off a ladder that was on a LANDING when I was cobwebbing as a spider was falling down on me. I landed at the base of the steps and hit my thigh somehow in between. It was the most painful leg pain I have ever had. Oh yes, it is under the name, "The Boo-Kay Residence" because I thought about that British show "Keeping Up Appearnces" with Hyacinth Bucket. I was saying how even when we are hurt from our crazy misfortunate slips, we try to keep a straight face and not cry because we feel like an idiot anyway. Dropped a wine bottle on my foot. How do I do that? I don't know exactly, but I do it.

Good grief.

R said...

I just realized I used the non-word, "misfortunate"! What a dork! I meant, "unfortunate". Goodness gracious, I am doing this too early.

Badoozie said...

oh, its' not hard at all to make me laugh. i laugh all the time, and all kinds of things cause laughing has saved me from depression

R said...

I literally takes a lot for me to genuinely laugh out loud, so I assume everyone is like me!!!

I rather like being dull and moody and so I have to get myself out of the funk.