Horrid Hair

I almost threw up. I swear, I really almost did.

I ordered my daughter upstairs to take a bath and I remembered the drain is so slow in the kids bathroom. I have known I can fix the problem with Drano, but I forgot that I could unscrew the drain fixture and just get the garbage out myself. I wouldn't say it was a mistake for me to do this because I got the job done, but I am literally grossed out. Undeniably, sickened.

I remember a number of years ago when I used to work for Merry Maids. I was huddled down over an unscrewed drain cleaning a shower and I noticed that the people must have left the drain unscrewed so I would clean it out. I attempted to pull the drain fixture up and the goop of matted hair and soap scum caused a jolt in the inner most depths of my stomach. I said, "Not in my job description!" and left it there.

As I was cleaning this drain, however, I kept thinking, "Not in my job description!" but knew that if this thing was going to be cleared out I had to do it. I could not imagine Mr. Wilhelm bending down over this drain and using a skewer to ambly get the disgusting sopping hair and whatnot through the grate. I keep imagining horrible things, like, it is in my throat, or about to lurch out of my stomach. I know, what an imagination I have. Fear Factor comes to mind. I am sure they would make me eat it. I am drinking coffee and I am scared to death it is in there. It's like when someone says they have lice you are suddenly scratching your head incessantly because---Ew, gross!

I will say with all confidence (and what really makes this worse) is that it was not the hair of anyone in my family.

And, if you have any shred of decency in you and you would rather that I not get so thin you wonder why I wear a size 1, you would not mention this to me. I am trying to forget it. Writing is supposed to be therapeutic, right?

Save me.