Horrid Hair

I almost threw up. I swear, I really almost did.

I ordered my daughter upstairs to take a bath and I remembered the drain is so slow in the kids bathroom. I have known I can fix the problem with Drano, but I forgot that I could unscrew the drain fixture and just get the garbage out myself. I wouldn't say it was a mistake for me to do this because I got the job done, but I am literally grossed out. Undeniably, sickened.

I remember a number of years ago when I used to work for Merry Maids. I was huddled down over an unscrewed drain cleaning a shower and I noticed that the people must have left the drain unscrewed so I would clean it out. I attempted to pull the drain fixture up and the goop of matted hair and soap scum caused a jolt in the inner most depths of my stomach. I said, "Not in my job description!" and left it there.

As I was cleaning this drain, however, I kept thinking, "Not in my job description!" but knew that if this thing was going to be cleared out I had to do it. I could not imagine Mr. Wilhelm bending down over this drain and using a skewer to ambly get the disgusting sopping hair and whatnot through the grate. I keep imagining horrible things, like, it is in my throat, or about to lurch out of my stomach. I know, what an imagination I have. Fear Factor comes to mind. I am sure they would make me eat it. I am drinking coffee and I am scared to death it is in there. It's like when someone says they have lice you are suddenly scratching your head incessantly because---Ew, gross!

I will say with all confidence (and what really makes this worse) is that it was not the hair of anyone in my family.

And, if you have any shred of decency in you and you would rather that I not get so thin you wonder why I wear a size 1, you would not mention this to me. I am trying to forget it. Writing is supposed to be therapeutic, right?

Save me.


Anonymous said...

Oh I totally feel your pain! I think that's one of the grossest things in a bathroom. But on a lighter note, I hope you and your family are doing well. E and I were talking about something on Sunday, not sure quite what it was though but she is the cutest thing.


Anonymous said...

I have one thought for you . . . finger prints on cheese!! I think I will laugh all day after reading this! hahahahahahahaa Its just so classically Rachel. I love it.

R said...

Hey "Anonymous", I think I know who you are and where you live. You will pay for that! Ha ha.

Really, only a handful of people know my fingerprints on cheese issue. I have you pegged. Kind of.

Anonymous said...

I must remain anonymous to say what i'm about to say... I actually get this sick pleasure of cleaning the drain of the bath tub. yes. And I actually have an old pair of tweezers that I use to clean it out...yes, I have a "drain cleaner tweezers" reserved in my cleaning section.

R said...

I am sorry, Anonymous, but you are truly sick. I think my other tub really needs it since the drain is slow but I am trying to muster up the courage to do it. I am truly scared. How can you eat after that madness? "Drain cleaner tweezers" sound absolutely vile; I can't imagine who would think of something so repulsive---someone used to pluck their eyebrows with that! My dear friend Betsy tells me (which makes me want to wretch just thinking of it and thankfully when she told me I had a good big glass of wine in me) that sometimes when you clean the drain out you notice flies or gnats in your house "all of a sudden". Apparently they "feed" on the nasty mildewy clot of "everyman's" hair, and when it is gone they keep flying up in search of it.
I think I know who you are by the way you write anyway. Name start with a "J"? If I have you wrong, sorry, whoever you are. You are still a little sick no matter what. No offense.