The Spice

I don't think I am a health nut; I ate lemon meringue pie yesterday for breakfast because there is nearly half a pie left sitting in the fridge. I don't even suggest anyone take a piece for dessert again. It wounds me. It hurts too bad.

Really, actually, whatever.

So, back to my semi-health nutness. I love Cliff bars, I have found a love for Almond, soy, and rice milk (of all the blasted things!), and I actually like....(gag) Boca Burgers (aka--soy burgers). A friend of mine recently turned me on to them---actually, to all of that stuff, and I have been buying it. Well, I am a little afraid, if you get me. No, you don't. I haven't told you what I am afraid of. Well, I have, but I am afraid of many things. Meat is scaring me, to be frank. Meat, I know. My friend told me that if a person has ever eaten pork (she freely eats meat, she was just telling me some scientific fact) they have worms. Worms, people. Ever since she told me that those pork chops I bought a month ago are still sitting in the freezer.

So I probably have worms. I hate worms! When I was a kid, I had to turn my head when that guy on Dune rode on the big huge ones. The spice is the worm, the worm is the spice. Flipping allspice reminds me of worms. I don't eat shrimp because they look like worms. If you say worms when I am eating spaghetti I suddenly lose all interest. I nearly fainted when I had to dissect a worm. The biggest worm I have ever seen, that is. --Besides the one on Dune.

I told Dear Sir about my scare, and he said, "paranoia will destroy ya."

A lot of help he is.

Imagine if you ate potatoes or something it would give you spiders. Well, that was sort of a dumb analogy, but it is the same sort of fear.

And then I heard about dogs and how they carry tons of parasites and whatnot---they kiss you with their tongue and suddenly Johnny has contracted worms, people!

I'm done talking about this.

I was reading on Carolanne's blog and her readability is high school. Well, la di da! I stupidly or actually, retardedly (look, I created a word!) plugged in my url for that madness. Junior High.

I'm in shambles.


Jennifer said...

I wouldn't worry too much about the readability thing. It said my bead blog was genius level. I know it don't take a genius to read that thing. :-P It said my closed blog was elementary level. lol

Carolanne said...

A pastor used to tell us that if you can relate to Elementary kids, everyone can understand it. He makes a good point.

Over here in Oz, High School is all the same - years 7 - 12. :)

shealyisnottheantichrist said...

You could be correct. Since we moved to Idaho, where there are lots of potatoes, I have noticed a large increase in the number of spiders in our home. Post hoc ergo propter hoc.
Score one point for Dear Sir.

Anonymous said...


Anne said...

Okay, about the "meat" thing - go to The Meatrix. You're gonna hate me for this.

Avery Gray said...

Remind me to tell you things. Any things. Doesn't matter. I have a feeling you'll believe me. ;o)

If you touch dirt, you'll absorb worm eggs through your skin. True story.


alisa said...

Avery is right. Running around barefoot will make you absorb worms. My bio professor told me that like 90% of the U.S. population has had worms at some point in their life. I like to consider myself in the 10% that didn't.

And the pork thing? True too. That's why raw meat is dangerous to eat. Because there are cysts in the muscle just waiting to pass onto their next cycle of life.

And the dog thing? True tambien. I went to Mexico to work at an orphanage over the weekend, and they told us to not even touch the dogs that were running around. Not even the cute puppies that the kids ask you to hold. Yuck.

R said...

Jennifer--I think it said my hubby was jr. high too, or high school and he is definitely higher than that. That thing is a big fat crock.

Carolanne---he is probably right somewhat.



Anne---I haven't looked yet, but I will. I am Howard Hughes! You can't do this to me!

Avery--I believe it. I hate germs so much every time I have to touch a trash can---any trash can, I wash my hands and don't forget. I wash my hands after sweeping the floor, touching just about anything.

Alisa---my greatest fears are realized.

Anonymous said...

well I suppose if you can get worms from pork pretty much 90% of us are carrying around worms. Did you know there are worms in fish as well? Also, when you eat pork it takes over 4 hours to digest in your stomach and by then it has fermented and that is just nasty. I'm hungry for bacon