Mocking the Devil

Here are my crazies, dressed up for Halloween last night. Our new camera is super sensitive, so my old man, when he takes pictures, biffs them up oftentimes because he shakes. At least the prized costume is a bit more clear in this picture so you can see my grand idea.

Eraser Eater wanted to be a mummy and I couldn't cope with buying fifty bucks worth of gauze at Wal-Mart, so I decided to purchase a cream colored thermal set and a large low-tack masking tape instead. We put a snow hat on the boy's head so we would not have to remove tape from his hair. I started taping from his legs, and once we got to his chest the Oldest and the Girl thought that he looked more like C-3P0 instead of a mummy. Once I got the tape on his arms and head, he looked just about right. I tell ya, no one could stop talking about his costume. People were going nuts. Absolutely no one was a mummy out there and he was the only one. People loved the idea too, so what can I say, I'm a flipping genius.

He had issues breathing at first (sort of like the power of a corset, masking tape is); he said that he felt like he was breathing against a wall. But then he got used to it. He said it was "worth it" to look so cool. I walked the whole three miles of trick or treating with them and practically felt compelled to hold Eraser Eater's hand through the whole thing because I was convinced he could not see well. He couldn't move too well either, but the tape started to bend some as he moved around and by the end of the night he was alright. Police cars were driving around our neighborhood everywhere and one of them stopped as we were walking and rolled down his window. When I looked over at him I said, "Do you need anything?" He looked at me wild-eyed and said, "No, I was just trying to see that mummy costume better. How in heck did you do that? That must have taken at least an hour!"
"Nah, it took all of eight minutes."
"Good G-d, woman, how did you do that?!"
"It was very stressful...."
He rolled up his window and laughed as he drove off.
Everyone kept saying "good luck getting that off" but it wasn't bad. I just got scissors and cut and peeled it all off. It probably took about eight minutes for that too.

The Girl, contrary to what you think, was batgirl, and very sensitive about it the whole night. People kept saying, "Oh, look at batman!" Or "Oh, it's batlady!" At first she was kind about it, but then she started to get really angry. Her whole point was to be cool and brave, and you know, batgirl aka Barbara Gordon, Commissioner Gordon's daughter, but it wasn't working out for her. There was a little boy in an Incredible's suit that kept saying whenever she walked by, "It's Batman!!!" Finally she had had enough after fifty houses and barked, "I AM BATGIRL!" I could practically see the froth spewing from her mouth, she was so livid.
"Everyone thinks that I am Batman or Batwoman! I don't get it!!!" The woes of costume confusion.

My Oldest was an Army commando for the second year in a row. His only requirement was a new machine gun, and he got it. It lights up and everything. The evening was filled with his hollers (in the same Mickey Mouse fashion) through the dark and his lit up machine gun going off. At one point he walked up to a lawn ornament (really a guy in a scary suit with a pitchfork) in some sly army man way and a petrified scream came from his macho lips as the lawn ornament moved and yelled. In other words, my kid jumped out of his skin and I laughed all the way up the driveway.

Eraser Eater started to get cold in his tape so we eventually went home. But the night was full of fond memories, especially when Eraser Eater had to go to the bathroom and I had to make a hole through his tape and grab his peter for him so he could pee in the woods. Thank goodness for underwear that has little trap doors so you can have easy access. Eraser Eater has a sick fondness for peeing outside. At least no one noticed in all the woods---it was pitch black anyway out there. It is sort of strange to see a mummy urinating. Maybe too much sign of life?

Another note: I think the neighbor girl, who is sick AGAIN, infected my daughter AGAIN! I am pissed.


Anonymous said...

ok, the thing about the mummy going pee is just too much..that is over the top funny. I hope no one skims and misses that

as for costumes, I offered to PAY my boy to dress up as The Lunch Lady from the SNL skit with chris farley and adam sandler, and when we went to Goodwill to put the costume together, he chickened out. So he didn't get any costume, dad gumit. I wanted to live vicariously through him. I was never anything THAT cool for HW.

Kids should realize that we need to express ourselves through them, and they should just do what we say

Avery Gray said...

Wow! That is an awesome costume. But the thing about the sick neighbor kid, not cool! We go through that at Ethan's school with the same parent always bringing her kid when he's sick, and it pisses me off. Because he's ALWAYS sick! I think they should put him in a bubble.

Anne said...

Okay - I didn't miss the "pee" part. And YES - that was a cool costume!

Todd said...

Great story Rachel. I think you could be the next Erma Bombeck, you have a great knack for relating lifes adventures in an interesting manner.

Next year maybe you could have your daughter dress up like Janet Reno, that way if anyone mistaked her for Mr. Reno it wouldn't really matter.

As for the peeing thing, I think it is a guy thing dating back to caveman days. One of the great things about living on 10 acres in Illinois is that the whole world was pretty much my outhouse!

Arizona is a little different. You have to be careful for those jumping chollas.

shealyisnottheantichrist said...

I love the lawn ornament story, but we only get about ten trick or treaters so it wouldn't be worth it to stand out on the lawn all night. It probably would scare the pee out of them, however.

wessexcathedral@gmail.com said...

Doozer--You know, the Lunch Lady would be great, but I am not sure anyone else would get it. It would be comical to dress up as her though and whenever someone would get it wrong you could say, "The Lunch Lady! Who else would I be?" and act really offended. Your son would be perfect in that role. And I am totally imagining it right now. He he....

I know, I about had a heart attack when he told me he had to pee. I wondered how I was going to get out of that mess.

Avery---$3.97 at Walmart. You could give Ron (I think that is his name) an elixir (for his bad 'tude this year) next year, tape him up (It would probably take two rolls for him and take you about sixteen minutes for the job), and chase him with a pitchfork to get him to go door to door with you as a mummy. It could work. Of course if it had been this year you did it, it would hurt for him to go to the bathroom (since the tape is like a corset and he would have to struggle to get the goods out), but next year he should be fine.

And---that boy should live in a bubble. I am going on a campaign.

Anne---thanks. Not a cool pee part? LOL!

Todd---Thank you! Good idea! I would have to continually expose her to Janet Reno for the next year so she would feel compelled to dress up like her though. I don't know if I could do it, but I might be up for the challenge. LOL. She's sort of like a superhero. She saved all those people in Waco, right? (snicker)

As for your comments about the peeing thing, I was thinking just that as my son pulled his dingaling out and urinated in the woods as people were walking by. But it was rather strange, I must say again, to see a mummy do this. Very strange. Sort of creepy.

Shealy---LOL! You are a riot. Thankfully Eraser Eater was not the one patrolling the yard and the lawn ornaments at THAT house! I would have wet masking tape.

Dapoppins said...

you had to grab his what so he could what! hahahahahahaha! You are really a fabulous mom. Really. No one can say that you don't love your family or that your not willing to go the extra mile.
I love you.

Carolanne said...

We don't do Halloween much here in Australia - we had one lot of trick or treaters come to our front door at about 5 in the afternoon so Nathan gave them a couple bags of potato chips.

Great story! You are a great mum! :)

R said...

Dapop---you are too cute. Thanks.

Carolanne--A bag of chips?! What a riot!

Anonymous said...

AWESOME costumes! The mummy was a stroke of pure genius! Here's a pat on the back... Pat.

R said...

Lisa---thanks. I am so glad you are back, I will say it again!!

RickCapezza said...

"Eraser Eater has a sick fondness for peeing outside."

Yeah, total guy thing. I remember growing up, my friends would compete for writing the longest word on the fence.

*sigh* I'm not ready for a boy.

Des said...

Great costumes you talented Mama! Well done! Bravo!