Mocking the Devil
Here are my crazies, dressed up for Halloween last night. Our new camera is super sensitive, so my old man, when he takes pictures, biffs them up oftentimes because he shakes. At least the prized costume is a bit more clear in this picture so you can see my grand idea.
Eraser Eater wanted to be a mummy and I couldn't cope with buying fifty bucks worth of gauze at Wal-Mart, so I decided to purchase a cream colored thermal set and a large low-tack masking tape instead. We put a snow hat on the boy's head so we would not have to remove tape from his hair. I started taping from his legs, and once we got to his chest the Oldest and the Girl thought that he looked more like C-3P0 instead of a mummy. Once I got the tape on his arms and head, he looked just about right. I tell ya, no one could stop talking about his costume. People were going nuts. Absolutely no one was a mummy out there and he was the only one. People loved the idea too, so what can I say, I'm a flipping genius.
He had issues breathing at first (sort of like the power of a corset, masking tape is); he said that he felt like he was breathing against a wall. But then he got used to it. He said it was "worth it" to look so cool. I walked the whole three miles of trick or treating with them and practically felt compelled to hold Eraser Eater's hand through the whole thing because I was convinced he could not see well. He couldn't move too well either, but the tape started to bend some as he moved around and by the end of the night he was alright. Police cars were driving around our neighborhood everywhere and one of them stopped as we were walking and rolled down his window. When I looked over at him I said, "Do you need anything?" He looked at me wild-eyed and said, "No, I was just trying to see that mummy costume better. How in heck did you do that? That must have taken at least an hour!"
"Nah, it took all of eight minutes."
"Good G-d, woman, how did you do that?!"
"It was very stressful...."
He rolled up his window and laughed as he drove off.
Everyone kept saying "good luck getting that off" but it wasn't bad. I just got scissors and cut and peeled it all off. It probably took about eight minutes for that too.
The Girl, contrary to what you think, was batgirl, and very sensitive about it the whole night. People kept saying, "Oh, look at batman!" Or "Oh, it's batlady!" At first she was kind about it, but then she started to get really angry. Her whole point was to be cool and brave, and you know, batgirl aka Barbara Gordon, Commissioner Gordon's daughter, but it wasn't working out for her. There was a little boy in an Incredible's suit that kept saying whenever she walked by, "It's Batman!!!" Finally she had had enough after fifty houses and barked, "I AM BATGIRL!" I could practically see the froth spewing from her mouth, she was so livid.
"Everyone thinks that I am Batman or Batwoman! I don't get it!!!" The woes of costume confusion.
My Oldest was an Army commando for the second year in a row. His only requirement was a new machine gun, and he got it. It lights up and everything. The evening was filled with his hollers (in the same Mickey Mouse fashion) through the dark and his lit up machine gun going off. At one point he walked up to a lawn ornament (really a guy in a scary suit with a pitchfork) in some sly army man way and a petrified scream came from his macho lips as the lawn ornament moved and yelled. In other words, my kid jumped out of his skin and I laughed all the way up the driveway.
Eraser Eater started to get cold in his tape so we eventually went home. But the night was full of fond memories, especially when Eraser Eater had to go to the bathroom and I had to make a hole through his tape and grab his peter for him so he could pee in the woods. Thank goodness for underwear that has little trap doors so you can have easy access. Eraser Eater has a sick fondness for peeing outside. At least no one noticed in all the woods---it was pitch black anyway out there. It is sort of strange to see a mummy urinating. Maybe too much sign of life?
Another note: I think the neighbor girl, who is sick AGAIN, infected my daughter AGAIN! I am pissed.