Unlicensed Hayrides

I am avoiding my run. I shouldn't. It would help me out, I think. We dropped off the Professor yesterday morning at 4 a.m. in DC to fly to see his parents. To say the least, we were grumpy and tired all day, but it went well. I made us all go to bed at 8 and we woke up this morning at 8. Nice.

And I am not doing school today because I don't feel like it. 

The day before I took the kids to a pumpkin patch on crack. They had slides and rides and rope swings and anything you can think of besides Disneyland. It was a bit insane. The Oldest was obsessed with the rope swing. He could not straddle the thing at first (well, the first twenty times he got in line to do it) but he was determined to accomplish this task and eventually he could do it in some strange robotic way. 

They fed goats and went on a hayride that was unlike any hayride I have ever been on. We went through mud and lakes and a forest of trees and wooden characters from various movies and television shows. My Oldest even spotted "Waldo" by the lake, lurking around. He just hollered the entire time, declaring that he doubted this farm had the licensing to put up all these characters. We even passed George Bush at one point (behind a bush) and my Oldest yelped, "George Bush is even here! I doubt he would be very happy they have used his image without permission!!! Would YOU be happy about this law-breaking outrage?!" 

I tried to shut his mouth. Duct tape, dude, duct tape! I even said it. My sister in law, who was with us, laughed. She knew what I meant. So did he. Eventually he shut it. 

Eraser Eater said, "I would be very pleased if I were President, at seeing my image while going on a hayride. I think it's perfectly fine."

We did go to a corn maze, which was sort of fun. 

Goat City was not my style just because goats make me think of Satan, and then they also remind me of when I ate goat at an Indian restaurant and the bite didn't make it past the base of my tongue. It would not go down! My stomach jerked in rebellion. I had to spew it out. Thankfully, at the time, there was a piece of chocolate in my purse. I ate it happily. So--when at Goat City I started to sniffle. I think I am allergic. Which means, I could possibly be allergic to Satan. Goat meat is of the devil. 


Jen - Queen of Poo said...

So was it the taste of the goat meat that made it impossible to swallow or the thought of eating Satan? Just wondering. :-)

(The latter is definitely a disturbing thought.)

SprinklerBandit said...

Oh wow. This has to be the funniest thing I've read this week.

Natalie said...

thanks, needed something hysterical to read today. :D

J said...

Ha ha. I'll never think of goats the same way again! And to think...I actually liked them. Before today.

Uncle Joe said...

thanks for the laugh.
that's funny.

August said...

We went to a ghetto pumpkin patch the other day as a preK field trip. The corn maze was made out of tarp wrapped around trees and it had no end.. all dead ends... no corn to be seen anywhere.

R said...

Jen---Just goat, not Satan. Think: warmed up beef jerky that tastes like Satan.

Sprinkler---Glad I could help. You are eccentric, just my style.

Nat---I am surprised you still like me!

J---Goats should never be liked. Pentagram, Satan, devil-worship, AC/DC----those coincide with goats. They taste like death! No wonder! LOL (you know I am totally joking about the Satan part, right?)

UJ--Glad I could help. But this ain't no laughing matter. This is the DEVIL we're talkin' about.

August--Now THAT'S FUNNY! A ghetto corn maze. Awesome. Like my ghetto dentist? Or my ghetto oven? I even sort of have a ghetto Bible---it is falling apart.

Laura said...

Oh my lands that was so funny. Natalie told me it was funny so I had to come read. Eraser Eater's comment just about put me over the edge.

Hey, I like goat! I had it in Haiti with rice and beans, yum, it was good. The little Haitian boys asked us which one we "liked." As a naive 17 year old I thought, in my American thinking, that of course they wanted to know which one we thought was *cute* for no reason but to please ourselves because I am American and isn't it all about me? Ha! I pointed to a cute little white one and out of nowhere one of them wielded a machete and slit its throat right there before my eyes. I was horrified and I just about died.

Laura said...

OH and the ghetto pumpkin patch comment made me laugh, too. Tarp wrapped around trees with no end in sight. Hilarious. Having lived in a suburb of Wash DC for many years, I can *actually* see this *actually* happening. That is some funny stuff.

Anne said...

Okay, those comments about having the license for those images is SOOO my mom! Except my mother wouldn't be shouting it out.

We've been getting goat milk from a friend - it took a bit for me to retrain my mind while gulping it down. I still have to turn my brain off when I'm drinking it.

thislittlepiggy said...

But were there any pumpkins?

R said...

Laura? Do you not like anything? You are a lover of food, I admit, but I remember you telling me that somewhere in your past you struggled to choke down an EGG (which is a common food, mind you) and you call goat "yummy"? Goat is UNNATURAL. AND SATANIC. There. I have said my piece.

That is a hilarious story about the poor little white goat though. A bit traumatizing!

And ghetto anything is pretty funny I must admit.

Anne---That's funny. Yeah, my kid seriously needs duct tape. A bit of restraint.

You are drinking goat milk? WHY?

Piggy---Yep, we each got one little pumpkin at the end. But there was NO PATCH. Weird, I know. Too many unlicensed characters for that farm madness.

The Doozie said...

I have to say I pretty much hate waldo. He is right up there with Bigfoot. They lurk...they sneak around...and they NEVER call when they're in town.

Laura said...

So Rach, of course you know I'm "with your husband this weekend" so when I saw the Professor last night at Beloved's performance, I told him he must get thee to a computer asap and read his wife's blog today because it was interminably funny. I tried to do my best "Eraser Eater" voice for him. He smiled. (I think he was humoring me.) Anywho--he informed me that his parents have nothing but dial-up and it was an impossibility. I live nearly off the edge of the earth and I have high-speed. Later, when I wanted to share a DVD with him (Soul Searching docu), he informed me that there is yet, still nothing. No DVD player. Poor guy. Maybe the lack of technology will clear his mind, who knows?

R said...

Doozie---lend me your shovel. We can smack Waldo into the lake.

Laura---I don't really feel bad for him. He can eat my chips as far as I'm concerned, the no-calling-ignoring wife and children scoundrel.

I am glad he is having fun though. But I still hate him. Ok, that felt better. Thanks for smacking him for me. LOL