Getting Out

I just got back from visiting two vineyards in a semi-local college town. There was supposed to be a chocolate festival going on but it was relatively uninteresting as it seemed more like a bake sale than a CHOCOLATE festival. I was pretty disappointed. Plus, the music was so horrific (think Lawrence Welk but more boring) that leaving and going to a landfill sounded more interesting. Anything. My ears were bleeding.

So the five of us (I being the only married gal there---single women are just so cool) went on our little trip to the country vineyards instead. At the first one I ran into Eraser Eater's geography teacher (WHAT?!) and as I was tasting my cab she started asking me how I was liking the class. 

Finally we went to the last vineyard and walked the grounds for a bit to see the ruins there. It was a perfect day and quite beautiful. I almost fell over on the ground and laughed myself into a hole when a high-strung rich lady tried to feed a muffin to a country horse begging at the gate, but I muffled it and laughed at the picture one of the gals took of the scene instead. Wow, it's a real horse! I think I will feed it the rest of my muffin! I think some of the girls lost respect for me after that or thought I was drunk because I was the only one laughing. What made it more funny is that the muffin rolled to the ground, the horse sniffed it, and walked away. And this was after it pooped right there when we tried to pet it. 

Back to the hayride scenes though. I forgot to mention something particularly amazing about it. And you didn't think there could possibly be anything more amazing, did you? I had forgotten that at the semi-beginning of the ride we approached these two space ships. They were size-y enough, I guess, to fit a couple kids each. Suddenly we stopped and music started blaring. Loud Star Wars esque music. 
"That's fake Star Wars music!" shouted the Oldest. 
And shortly a guy, dressed up as an alien, came swooping out toward us with a cape on. He was purply-grey colored. The tractor started moving us along again and he followed us and gave us high-fives. He swirled from side to side and shook hands and waved until we were out of his reach, then as he stood far in the distance, a mere speck of an alien, he waved faintly as if to bid us a beautiful journey. 

"His hand felt weird," said the Oldest. I imagined how many germs could be on that weird hand. Here, touch my bacteria-infested hand!  I was just disturbed slightly by this whole let's entertain the kids with an alien guy that jumps out to fake Star Wars music. No one looked at the beauty of the scenery; they just looked at the various random garbage displayed behind bushes and whatnot. 

And they had free apple cider. In oak barrels. And it was hotter than blazes outside. The kids wanted the cider, but bees were crawling all up in the spouts so I had to battle the insects. When the Oldest approached he immediately saw the issue and jumped back. I shot a look at him, daggers in my eyes as if to say, "Don't you dare scream!" Instead, a weak, fluty little chirp came out from behind his teeth. His face was so ruddy and damp as he grabbed the cup I handed to him. 


The Doozie said...

The way and words with which you describe things keep me laughing until I pee.

In the words of our dear Walter, "you need to make this blog into a book"

R said...

Doozie---Like you don't make me laugh until I pee? Good gracious, I am glad we have similar humor!!! LOL