10/14/2008

Aspergian Child

It has been a bit tough lately dealing with my Aspergian boy, the Oldest (he is 12). I think it is because he is bigger than me, has a high energy level at times, and has increased hormone levels. I remember as a girl his age, crying at the drop of a hat over everything. My oldest brother used to tell me that I acted like I had a video camera following me around. Trust me, I didn't like that comment. But this is what I imagine he is feeling except that he is not necessarily crying, he just gets angry, I suppose. 

And I am indecisive, which is bad for an Aspergian boy to have to handle. It takes me awhile to come to a decision because hey, I just want to get away from any thoughts of conflict and turmoil. I just don't want to deal with it. But I do. And I hate the outcome. Fussing, crying over a lost gameboy or game system, weeping while sentences like "I will not hit my brother" are being written fifty times on a page. Like I have said before, I frequently just say the words "duct tape" to indicate that I want him to just shut his mouth because he doesn't have to comment on every single thing in this here United States of America! 

The day he scaled a wall at Co-op I found out that he chased a friend's van ( as it was driving away) to say goodbye. Maybe like the movies? Like a dog? This is also the same day he decided that it would be great fun to jump up and down and clap between jumps in a moving elevator. And then I found out that in his science class he refused that day to do his experiment because, I suppose, it was not working the way he anticipated. 

There are days I think this an easy task and then there are days I just want to cry uncle and clock out and go home. I am not complaining. He is a brilliant child. It would be just so easy to stick him in front of a television his whole life and let him just play video games. He would be fine then. Seriously. That is the element his brain wants to focus on. That is what he lives for right now and I don't allow him to have it---I push him hard to conform to this life, to the normalcy of his surroundings---to something that is in many ways alien to him---society. I've had to fight hard and work hard to get him where he is today. At one point in his life as he was in Kindergarten I thought that he would never live a normal life and probably work fast food if that. I grabbed everything I could to fight for him, the Professor and I both. 

And now I am tired. An Asperger's person is like a male times 100. What I mean by that is take a normal male and the way they think, and multiply that male by 100 and put it into one person. That is my kid. Hey, even just the other day the Oldest was sitting on the rocking chair in the living room saying to the Professor, "I will never understand 'woman.'"
"What do you mean, you will never understand woman?"

"THE WOMAN. I will never understand THE WOMAN in my life. They are way too complicated. All they care about is fashion and the latest styles. Life is more than styles, you know!" 

"And all you care about is a gameboy. I could dress you in underwear out in public and you wouldn't give a rip---you'd play a gameboy naked. How are you going to ever understand fashion? Of course you don't!" I roared pleasantly from the couch. 

He looked at me in a sort of shocked manner, rocking back and forth in the chair, "Well that's true!" He started laughing when the Professor couldn't hold it in any longer. 

At least he got the joke! Gee whiz.

13 comments:

Dapoppins said...

I want to chuck it in and go home too. And I don't even have a good reason to be tired.

Laura said...

Rachel you know I admire you with an unending and undying admiration. You are a strong and steady woman and it's okay if you get tired. It's because you're working so hard!

Oh, and I would say take with you under the house BUG SPRAY so you can spray the buggers dead in their tracks. You wouldn't catch me crawling under a house, that's for sure. I'm way too scared of snakes and creepy crawlies.

Anne said...

All my son cares about is Lego.com

Jen - Queen of Poo said...

I'll bet Bill Gates was a frustrating kid too. :-)

In fact here's an excerpt from an interview with Steve Ballmer - CEO of Microsoft:

"Q: What were you like as a kid?

A: A little hyperactive.

Q: A little?

A: I was a little hyperactive. My mom tried Ritalin out on me once, but it knocked me out too much. It knocked me out so much, she took me off it after one day."

There is room in this world for people who think like our sons. :-)

Mrs. Sinta said...

I wish I had some words of great wisdom and insight that would instantly lighten your load and fill you with encouragement, but I don't. I have never been in your shoes. I am praying for you everyday. That's the best I can do.

Uncle Joe said...

you're a good mom.
the world needs more good moms like you.

R said...

Dapoppins--thanks for understanding

Laura---what can I say? You know me probably more than anyone next to the Prof. and---thank you for your kind words. And I will take your advice and use bug spray.

Anne---Lego.com used to attract my boys until Mario came crashing into their lives. Grrr...

Jen---Now this really helps me a lot. Glad to know this!

Mrs. Sinta---Thank you!!!!

UJ---Thanks. That means a ton. I feel like a wretch because I want to tie my kid to a tree, but I think that must be natural. I just say it, but I don't do it. Word pictures, they work well with understanding things.

thislittlepiggy said...

HUG

Add having a period to that, and you'll have life with Sweetums.

The Doozie said...

I'm just gonna throw this out there....

I'm not sure why you are trying to get him to conform to normal life? nothing will ever be "normal" for him.

R said...

Piggy---that would be hard!!! I feel for you!

Doozie---I thought about that too, but in order for him to get by he has to at least learn the tricks of the "normal" people around him. It is like a game in a way. When this person feels sad, they usually have tears and their face gets all winced up and contorted looking when they cry. When this happens, try to help them by offering a hug or a word of encouragement. Don't stare at them and say, "Why are your eyes leaking?"

The Doozie said...

I see what you are saying. But I also have to say, I have a friend with a girl who is diagnosed similarly, and the things she asks complete strangers are just downright golden.

if he can run a calculator and avoid getting bludgeoned by a pencil we will all be glad!!

DoulaKK said...

"And now I am tired. An Asperger's person is like a male times 100. What I mean by that is take a normal male and the way they think, and multiply that male by 100 and put it into one person."-

Well said, as it is a facismile of my life.
My AS son is almost 6 though.
I found your blog tonight & hope to read more... I enjoy following "those who know" blogs.
Kelly

R said...

Thank you, Doulakk! I hope you keep reading. Maybe there will be some stuff you can relate to with my son. My kid is total classic Asperger's. How is your son? Is he very literal? Does he not get humor? Does he have irrational fears? Just curious.

It is great to find someone who understands, I know.

Keep on keepin' on.