Listen to me here. We all know that I am a tad bit moronic at times, but clearly I have a reason for my moronic behavior. If I had been able to talk to my husband last night instead of never getting ahold of him PERIOD I would have asked him how to get to church. The freeway way. He always takes some crazy back road way that is windy and consists of many roads that lead to I don't know where, but eventually we get to church. I know we pass something the kids call "the wrecked up house" and we pass many pastures and patches of trees and forest. I imagined myself trying to do this route but I found in my brain that I would get lost, run into a tree and kill myself because I would be so boiling mad that I have ended up in West Virginia. By that time it would be dark, I would run out of gas AGAIN, and I wouldn't be able to see because of my what? You guessed it, my cataracts. Yep, I actually have cataracts. Let's not get into it.
So---I went the freeway way to get to church thinking I KNEW where it was, how to get there, etc. Of course, I made the wrong exit, went up the street I THOUGHT it was on, and then had to turn around and go where my second gut instinct was telling me. That made us miss the whole entirety of the music, once we got there, and I had to go to the bathroom really bad because I drank lots of coffee on the way and then I spilled it on myself.
When finished with church I realized my kidneys hurt, or else just my lower back does and I sort of wished that I had kidney stones and I had to go to the doctor so that maybe the Prof. would feel really bad for ignoring me and not even giving me directions to church and then the house was so cold this morning because it was cold outside and I don't know how to run the thermostat and he talked about calling me to instruct me but he never did and I think I am going to restrict football for my men today because he is not home and I can do what I want. So I bought the boys a game and now they are on it.
But---I had to stop at the store first. Boy was it busy. Apparently they had crazy store coupons given in the mail that saved you a million dollars if you bought half the store and I must have missed out on that. No one had spares, nothing was given to poor me. Coupons, shmoupons.
So I bought the silent children some gum. Extra (classic bubble) and the Oldest flipped his open on the spot. He looked at what it said inside and yelped aloud in the parking lot, "'Fifteen sticks of unadulterated, mind numbing, euphoria-inducing, earth-shattering, long-lasting, and humble enjoyment!' Wow! Flashy!!"
Then when we got into the car he asked, "Mom, what's a leisure suit?"