Halloween Costumes

Halloween, in a way, is just around the corner. The Girl has been thinking about her costume already. Sadly, I will refrain from putting photos on my blog (I deleted some already) because a creep from the northwest has decided to take that liberty from me. Yes, it is either delete my blog or just simply stop putting pictures up. I don't really want to delete my blog, but we will see what happens.

Anyway, Halloween. Oh yes. As I was saying. The Girl. She said, "I want to be a unicorn!"

"How are you going to be a unicorn?" I asked her.

"You will make the costume, like you made Eraser Eater's last year!" {Remember the mummy made out of masking tape?}

"Oh, I know," piped in Eraser Eater, "you could just use a party hat and cover it up with paper for the horn!"

"I already just thought of that," I said in a mumble.

I can't make costumes. I can't sew

"You'd need hooves," I said to the Girl, "think of something else."

"How about a tree? You could cut a tree down, hollow it out, and wrap it around me!" 

For goodness' sake, who does she think I am? She has seen me cut wood, check, she has seen me kill a mole brutally, check, she has seen me make Eraser Eater into a mummy out of masking tape, check

"There's no way," I said.

"She could be an egg," Eraser Eater said.

"That doesn't help much," I said.

"I know what I could be!" yelped the Oldest in his high-pitched Mickey Mouse voice.

Oh here it comes, I thought.

"I could be a jack-o-lantern guy. What you would do, mom, is you would hollow out a pumpkin, cut out the jack-o-lantern eyes and mouth, and put it on my head!"

"That would be heavier than sin!" I spat.

"I'd be fine. I'd bear it well---I would be the envy of all the people who never thought of it. No plastic for me! I would have the real thing! And I would wear a black cape and say, 'ah-ha-ha-ha!' No one would stop me! I would never buy a costume ever again!"

I swallowed hard. 

"I can't even hollow out pumpkins anymore," I said, "they make me break out."

"You could totally do it," said the Oldest. 

No more minimum requirement of a plastic toy gun to be an army man third year in a row. No more princess or Batgirl or whatever it is she used to aspire to. Now it is this idea of impossible things to wow everyone like the mummy costume. That was the greatest, grandest thing I could think of, and the only thing I could think of. 

"How about a couple of white sheets so you can be ghosts?" I asked.

"Someone on Charlie Brown thought of that already," they all said in defense. 

I'm doomed.


DFTF said...

Oh pewie, a real pumpkin would smell bad, and he'd get all sweaty in there. :-P

I will put off thinking about Halloween until the day before as per my usual slacker mom fashion.

Laura said...

R, I have nothing original to say but just that you are just so stinkin' funny it kills me.

Mrs. Sinta said...

How about a Chinese dragon? All three kids in one costume. It would need to be a pretty colorful sheet. Maybe you could rent a dragon head.

Uncle Joe said...

did you just put up the Batsignal?

Batman hates creeps.

You guys are funny.

bristowmom said...

Too, too funny! All I can say is: I'm glad we don't "do" Halloween around this house! I still haven't made "the dress", and I'm getting pressure for it!

thislittlepiggy said...

Sweetums wanted to dress like Jay one year, so I decked her out like a trucker. When she saw her face with its eyebrow pencil beard, she burst into tears.

Then there was the year of the little pink Tantrum Fairy.

She hasn't wanted to go trick or treating for a few years now. Snort.

Leslee said...

That's just crazy!

Alisa said...

Wow, that's hilarious! I think I'm going to go as Wenda (Waldo's girlfriend). I need to buy a striped shirt.

The Doozie said...

I don't understand, did I miss something about a creep from the northwest?