The Kids These Days 4

Yesterday morning my daughter woke up with bile coming out of her stomach projectile style. I thought I had heard some voice calling in the middle of the night but I fell asleep again.

I battled this all the morning and rubbed her back and pulled her hair back while she cried and said "help!" when she was "barfing." It was entirely sad to see. I also washed just about everything, cleaned the house, disinfected, and doled out acicophilus pills. So far no one else has gotten this. I really hope no one does. I used to say, "hold on to your hats, we are going to have a rough week!" But since acidophilus, I haven't worried as much.

Monday night I took the boys to Chess Club. The daughter had to go with, so we went grocery shopping since the club meets at a grocery store. Weird, I know, but it works. The same bag boy from a prior post loaded up my trunk with groceries again.

"You're the guy with the pink polo shirt," I said.

"Oh yeah. You should have seen me on Sunday for a reception I had to go to. I wore a crazy grey suit with a yellow tie. I was looking sharp," he sucked in his breath like he was the cat's meow. "I lived life the easy way too. Everyone else was in the car busy with stuff and I just took a nap all the way to Maryland."

"Oh sure, gotta do that," I said, not knowing what the heck he was talking about.

He loaded up my groceries. Since I had to go back in to get the boys from the club he kept talking to me as I walked back.

"My kids are at Chess club," I said, "I have to go back inside."

"Chess club. I was never a chess club sort of guy. I was on the Varsity Football team."

I didn't believe this for one second. This guy is a total pipsqueak.

"Yeah---I would sneak out of the locker room and look at the cheerleaders. They were making this banner for me---I told the other guys that I was busy outside for a second and they believed me. I went out there and they were all over me."
He sucked in his breath again like he thought he was hot stuff. He rumpled up his hair and messed with his collar. He jerked his head around as I nodded at him with obvious polite uninterest. He did not heed this.

"Yeah--they were like, all over me. And I had to tell them that I had to go back to the locker room to be with the guys and they came to me weeping, tears rolling down their cheeks---" he was sure to use his index fingers to make a little stream-line down his own cheeks for effect, " and they showed me the banner they made. I was like, 'I am sorry ladies, I have to go--' and they both gave me a gift of one kiss on each of my cheeks---" he pointed to each cheek, "and then it was really crazy but they finished by kissing me right here--" and he pointed to his lips, "and it was sort of gross, but they kept doing it and I was like, 'ladies! I have to GO HERE!' and I..."

At this point we were totally inside the building and I couldn't handle it anymore. I said, "hand sanitizer is good to use in that situation. Lots of germs. Just wipe it all over your face..." I proceeded to use my hands in a circular motion around my face for effect since he was so fond of using hand gestures.

He looked at me and did not skip a beat.
And he walked off.


Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...

Sounds like THE CRUD to me!
*Cue dramatic music*

I think I went to school with that guy's dad... or grandpa... *Shiver*

Funky-Redhead said...

okay that story would win the "crazy" prize, if there were such a thing! And you always kill me with how you respond to things! I don't think fast enough, to pull something like that off!

Badoozie said...

ok, the waterboy thing is coming to mind here
you and this pipsqueak are going to have to stop meeting up. he is obviously falling for you

Anne said...

Yep, I think he has a crush on you.

R said...

Crush on me? More like crush on himself! Good gracious!

I thought more the waterboy too Susie.

Um, I could beat this kid up.