Attack of the Killer Rock

Yesterday I took the kids to the park since it was in the 70's. Where do I live? Florida? California? Nope. An hour from D.C. Give me a break huh? So we went out and had a mini spring day. My daughter took the binoculars and ran around looking like Dora and the Oldest and Eraser Eater went their separate ways-- one to the see-saw and the other to find lizards. I think they literally thought it was summer again.

I went through a mini (I will use the word again) flashback of how horrendous last summer was because of my Oldest son and flying insects. He refused to go by the water (there is a lake by the park) because of possible dragonflies. There was not a bug to be seen for miles and he was wigging out again. "I'm staying right here!" he would yell. I gave up and went on the see saw with him for a bit and taught him my trick on how to make someone freak out and bounce. He didn't like the lesson because I did it to him a million times.

I got tired of the see-saw and moved on to see what the other two were doing by the water and they were taking sticks and pretending that they were fishing. I thought this was a good idea and got a massive branch and said to my oldest: "Look at this thing! You can be Huck Finn and fish with this thing!"

"Not by that water I'm not! That is where dragonflies go!"

I had to convince him that there weren't any dragonflies. To be honest, he was really enthralled with the massive stick. It was taller than me. He took it greedily and announced to the whole park that he was going to go fishing and begged where he could find a worm. I dallied around by the stream and found a worm but I did not touch it. I hate worms. Looking at them makes me sick. Kind of like metal. "I found a worm!" I yelled.

The voice of Mickey Mouse made its way toward me filled with glee and he GRABBED THE WORM from the ground. I almost screamed, but I realized that he was touching a bug like regular boys and this is good.

"So, uh, how do I put it on the end of my stick?"

"I guess you have to pierce it's flesh and stick it on that way," I said, a little unsure of myself.

"Ok." He tried. "It's slippy." It didn't work. "Oh well. I guess I could just take him and dangle him in the water and a fish would come to me." He cupped the worm in his hand. "He feels wiggly in my hand! I kind of like it!"

The thought of that made me feel a little green and pale, but I ignored it and went on.
Finally he decided that dangling the worm would not work so he just threw it in the water. A lot of good that did. All I could think about was hand sanitizer.

I got distracted after a spell and started looking in the binoculars. I saw the Oldest on a rock by the little stream-creek thing and then I saw him WALK THROUGH THE WATER. I about had a cow. That is when I took them home. They were all soaked from being ridiculous and walking through water rather than walking around. The lake water is filthy. Remember the dead duck? Yeah, you get my point. I had to wash everything when I got home. Sick.

Except when I got home the Oldest did not want to go inside. He approached the front porch and then ran screaming from it to the car again. Flash back of the past summer. He stood there, fingers on lip (worm infested fingers, mind you), trembling and crying his ten year old rear end off. "A big black bee! I saw it!"

"There is no bee."

"Yes! I saw it! It was by the rail! It was flying toward me! I will not go in until you kill it!" He was inconsolable, irrational, and petrified. Of nothing. There was nothing.

"No. There is nothing here. I will guide you. Let me take your hand."

"No! I saw it!"

"Look! THERE IS NOTHING! THERE ARE NEIGHBORS! THEY CAN HEAR YOU!" I said this in a loud whisper. Even shame does not shape him up.

"Is there...is there anything black around the porch?" He cried out in a whimper.

"Yes. A rock. A black rock."

"That must be it then."

"Yes. That is probably it. Now come on, and get inside."

He ran in like the devil was on his tail and took the sopping wet shoes off as fast as he could. He refused to go outside the rest of the day.

I can already foresee next summer...again. Ugh.


Mama Heffalump said...

You should see Rosie when she crosses paths with a gnat! *LOL*

The unseasonably warm weather has prolonged the infestation of lady bugs. It has been horrendous. For some reason, it is Rosie's bedroom window where they all love to congregate! *Sigh*

graybandit said...

if it makes you feel better, some of our army guys are deathly afraid of bees...not even allergic, but they freak out when there's a bee. kinda humorous.

and the good news is he's not scared of worms. the older sister of my best friend when i was 6 had this phobia of creepy crawlies. their parents cut the sod out of their back yard to make a patio one summer, and she refused to touch sod after we told her stories of halves of worms hanging off the sod and stuff like that. evil? yes.

but your oldest seems to just do the flying bug thing, yes? it sounds cliche, but it could be worse even if it sucks the way it is. at least you don't have a little ryan running around going 'BEES! EVERYWHERE!'

hope stuff looks up for y'all. if you suddenly get free plane tickets for your whole family, come by for christmas eve here.

Funky-Redhead said...

When my kids do that I become "mean," mommy. I hate it, but it is true. I get really aggravated when they have irrational fears, that they will not let me console, or trust me enough to maneuver them through. My mom was the same way...great. (sigh)

Redneck Nerdboy! said...

Funny how the most exhausting things are always best looked at through the back window, huh?

Badoozie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Badoozie said...

you "dallied"??? i just love your words...you always come up with cool words that i've forgotten about. i'm thinking you were a total bookworm growing up?

as for your boys fears...always pretend you see it too. then just pretend you're squashing that which you really can't see. it helps for him to have company in his misery. cause he's not thinking rationally

i deleted the other comment because of the spelling error. don't like those.

Emma Sometimes said...

oh, poor honey..and frustrating for you too.

My 3½ yr old was told by her brothers the toilet would suck her down into the ground. I JUST got her potty trained thanks to the brothers. ARG. Good for you though, for being patient with him. It takes resolve to not want to slap them upside and make them go in the house. Not that I would slap them, but perhaps a fatal beating or two would do amazing things. ~insert liberal amounts of sarcasm here~

PS. guess who has cool amazing good smelling soap. ((BIG HUGS)) I'm sooo blogging it, you know.

R said...

Mama---yep, I get it too with gnats, moths, dragonflies, bees, anything in the air. You must feel my pain.
Graybandit---It does make me feel better. Army guys afraid of bees? Wow. Parts of worms hanging off sod? Evil.
FunkyRed---I am a mom that is the same way, don't worry.
Redneck---Yeah, that was me the other day wishing I was looking through a back window at someone else's kid screaming at a bug.
Susie--I dally all the time. It is a bad habit of mine. Yes, I read a lot as a child, but did not read nearly enough then as I do presently as an adult.
I will definitely try to fake it as you suggest when summer comes around again---or if it happens anytime soon. Argh.
Emma--That is pretty rough having to reteach a child to not be petrified of the toilet sucking her down. ERRR....
I am all whaps over here, sister.
Glad you like the soap. Not quite Cappuccino, but you know, ya take what you can get once it is already mixed in. Oh, and please USE it. I made the mistake of using my horrible well water to make the soap with and there are some elements like rust in the water (which is not bad on your skin perse) and they will come up in a few months giving the soap some little orange splotches. When I make some soap with "rain water" I will be sure to send you more.