12/12/2006

Eh.

I don't feel like writing at all. Things are way too busy. I am turning 29 in two days and that is kind of crazy. I am sick of cookies and chocolate and I want Christmas to hurry up and come.

My daughter was just looking at some of my "paintings" that I shoved in a corner in the office. (I don't really paint, in fact I am not really good at it---I just used to amateurly pastel icons---and did it badly, at that)

"Why don't you put these in a museum, Mommy?"

"Because they are horrible; they have to be extra special good," I say.

"But they are NOT horrible and they ARE extra special good!" She glares at me. "They are masterful!"

"Well, I am totally content with the fact that I am not a painter," I say dryly.

"You're a musician," She says matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, kind of."

I remember thinking that anything my parents did was totally the greatest when I was little. I am of the mind to completely knock that silly idea directly out of their heads. Many of us take ourselves so seriously. No, I am not some amazing musician. I am a musician but not a paid one. I am a musician only because I was born knowing how to sing. It took absolutely no effort at all on my part. I was not, however, born knowing how to paint, and I was not even good when I did do it, so I would never consider myself a painter. In fact, the thought is just absolutely offensive.

What I really am is a mother, which reminds me that I need to go so I can knock some heads together....

11 comments:

Badoozie said...

thats funny, because my dad actually DID knock our heads together. i hated it. he's a jerk

Anonymous said...

boy aren't you a negative person.

accept a freaking compliment once in a while.

your kids like what you do, that's cool.

oh, and if you're truly sick of your chocolate, send more of it to us. happiness.

Funky-Redhead said...

Anne told me something recently that made an impact on her, and that she obviously feels that I need to improve upon, that I feel compelled to share with you...Whew, that wore me out!

If we are created in God's image,
how must he feel when we do not speak of ourselves in a complimentary way? He has obviously blessed you with many talents, including "mother." Why not let your daughter see you the way God does? Instead of how you see yourself? I guarentee his view is more accurate! She will see your short comings soon enough, without any help from you MOM!

Funky-Redhead said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
R said...

I am not meaning to be negative. I just truly appreciate reality and honesty. I am so happy with the fact that there are some things that I can do well and some things that I don't do so well but I just "have fun" with them anyway. It is a way of not taking myself so seriously, and I think that is a better attitude.

I completely think that some kids can grow up into thinking their parents are an image of perfection and then when they get out of the house they are crushed when they find that they are not and their parents have fed the idea their whole lives! Granted, some parents are not like this and can find some sort of balance. Maybe I am searching for that balance. But when my kid says, "You are the best mom to ME" that is the better compliment than "you are the best mom in the world." I have made peace with that.

You are right, FunkyRed, with what God views of us as His children. I agree. I pretty much mentioned the above story because I thought it was hilarious how my daughter used the word "masterful".

Also, I think in the Church people get all bent out of shape over gifts. Some WANT to sing and preach and whatnot but do not have the gift. Some have a slight tendancy to perform in that area, but are not quite there. That is me with lets pretend, painting. There are so many things that I could concentrate my time on, and I only have time for very few. I have to narrow it down. I am ok to throw things that I can slightly do to the wayside. They won't get me anywhere and frankly, I like the main ones more.

And Graybandit, that is funny you call me negative. I am actually the optimistic/positive person in my house. I just think being ridiculously sombre or melancholy at times is sort of funny.

R said...

Oh, and sorry Susie, to remind you of your past----ack.

Redneck Nerdboy! said...

Haha! Susie.

Rachel, I just want Christmas to come and go also. Just get here so we can get it done. [huff!]

Badoozie said...

well i'm fine...see what it did for me? knocked me around so i'm kinda kooky....i might be boring otherwise?

i agree with you about the image we project for our kids to see..while i'm not an advocate of dragging them into adult arguments etc, its also important for them to know we are human, and not perfect. i grew up with SO many prejudices and misconceptions. i was in the dark almost literally. my homelife was stable, etc, and my mom is a good mom, but she was so sheltering. we never had a TV, we didn't go to movies until later on when we were teenagers etc. no alcohol in the house, blah blah. we went to a legalistic non-instrumental church of christ. we were taught that everyone but our church was going to hell.

i've had to overcome all of these ideas, and learn to think for myself and it has taken me all the time to "find" myself. really. and now, i have to hide "myself" from family because they don't approve, they don't appreciate etc. i'm the black sheep, although they tolerate me, they are quick to judge, and quick to advise. i live 8 hours away from all of them and i'm glad for that sometimes. i love them, but i'm misunderstood. i've always been misunderstood. its always been "well, if you were more this way, or that way, or if only you could do this, or do that". ok, i'm ranting. but i have to rant about this sort of stuff off my blog because mom reads it. and i've had to get after her for that. because she insists on reading it, but makes comments to me, like "i'm so embarrassed of your blog" and stuff like that. she is shocked on a daily basis. she said she would die if any of HER family ever found it. because she considers her kids as a reflection on her as a person. which i hate. because that puts pressure on us to perform, and then when we fail, as i have many times, we feel we have let her down. so, she focuses on our achievements, and makes sure to brag to her family if we happen to accidently do something right. like my degree...she had to use that to brag on me, to take the focus off the fact i was getting a second divorce, shame shame shame...so she wanted to know my GPA, etc, so she could use that as a bragging thing....to make her feel better about me, as a person. i hope she never reads this...but really i feel like unless i'm succeeding or being a "good girl" that i'm an embarrassment to my family. my dad just plain ignores me and always has.

but its all good, i'm doing fine as a person, and feeling a lot more comfy in my own skin now. i just have a problem with legalistic people and people who are quick to judge, or condemn others. or put expecatations on others, to make themselves feel better. ok i'm done now...as you were...carry on....merry christmas?

EmmaSometimes said...

haha Badoozer, send me email addy's for your mom's family. I'll be glad to enlighten.

speaking of email, RACHEY!!! I need yours. I thought I had it, but I purged my email box, darn it. (thinking of yummy smelling soaps)

artistry is relative. I do NOT like Salvadore Dali, although, you hand me one of Natasha Westcoat's prints and I might be so happy I'd give birth again. ..and I'm not even preggo!

susiebadoozie said...

i'm a stalker.


are you 29 yet? ya little punk!!

Mama Heffalump said...

29 isn't that bad is it? *Smile*

(I was 29 when I got married and then got pregnant with Rosie!)