Red Food

Yesterday I was driving the Oldest home from piano lesson and he was talking smack. Apparently he thinks that I am "picky" because I pick the pepperoni off my pizza----or soak the grease up with a napkin before consuming.

So then I went through a complete and full "tape recording session" of the Oldest and all the things picky he has ever said about his food. Of course, this recount was blessed with much acting and facial expression:

"This pizza has too much sauce on it!"
"Do these red peppers taste like green ones?"

"You're putting ketchup in the taco meat!!!"
me: "I always put ketchup in the taco meat."
him: "Oh. Well don't let me see it!"

So I said, "Did you know that BBQ sauce has ketchup in it?"

"I can't drink that juice. It looks too red---like ketchup."

My son tried to hold in his laughter because it really was quite a sight to see me acting out all of these true phrases and lines. I said a billion more than this, but I don't wish to bore you. In fact, I said so many, I was pleased with myself for remembering them all. It was like I held long grudges and let them all free in this one long soliloquy of silliness.

"I have a tape recorder in my throat," I said with wide eyes.
"You do not!" said my son, who is almost twelve and because of his autism believes anything.
"Yes! And my button to press 'play' is under my arm."
"So is it just playing word for word everything that I have ever said?"

"I see a pattern," I looked at him concerned.
"What pattern?"
"You are afraid of things---food that is red."
"Not true!"
"Why, yes it is true."
I named them.
I said, "You even like green apples instead of red ones."
He said, "Well I love apples, I just don't like to eat them."
"I'm blogging that."
"But I will be shamed for life!"


Uncle Joe said...

In understand the grease soppin'
but pepperoni pickin?

Pepperoni is holy in these here parts.
We have to do that with our kids too, remind them of stuff they've said. I am especially good at it.

You should re-enact that conversation for youtube.

the coffee should be arriving soon.

Mrs. Sinta said...

Abby is just like you!! She picks off the pepperonis and pulls out a napkin to blot up the grease. I did not know that there was another person on earth like that! You are soul mates.

R said...

Uncle Joe---I like pepperonis, I just don't like eating them. :) At least, not anymore. Ten years of eating only pepperoni pizza because I am too cheap to get what I want because the Prof will only eat pepperoni has made me a cheese pizza lover.

Shealy---That's funny. She IS like me. It drives the Prof. nuts. I always have two napkins at pizza time for that sole purpose. Pepperonis and all that grease equal so much fat, you would be shocked. You would be even more shocked at how many fat calories you would eliminate if you did what Abby and I do. Really. It is quite a difference.

Emma Sometimes said...

Yummm pizza. I like the 'drag it through the garden' pizza and peppercinis. Yummmm.

That is funny that he doesn't like red food, but my youngest won't eat anything that even 'looks' spicy. It's almost blasphemy against the chili gods.

Groovy Mom said...

You messed with that boys head! LOL!

I used to be picky. I used to take all the toppings off my pizza, including the cheese and pile it onto my husband's slice. Perfect match. He got double toppings. I got the sauce soaked crust I craved. Now I'll pretty much eat anything. Hmm, I used to be thin then. Coincidence?

Uncle Joe said...

who u gonna vote for?

Anonymous said...

i'm pretty sure my wife has a tape recorder in her throat. it's on play most of the time, and the stop button under her arm appears to be broken.

how does your boy go on red cordial???

Mrs. Sinta said...

I gave up pepperoni pizza as well. I like cheese pizza or veggie pizza.

Anonymous said...

Your boy would LOVE me! NOT.
I'm all about red food! :o)

Anne said...

"soliloquy" - love it.

We have food issues over here too. Anything drinkable must not have "pieces" in it. My son chews food that does not require chewing - applesauce, icecream, pudding.

So, you put ketchup in your taco meat?

TulipGirl said...

Love it. . .

Leslee said...

Why do you put ketchup in your taco meat?