Being a homeschool mom, I am pretty snooty about sicknesses. Especially since I just got over a nasty one. I don't want my kids to get sick. That is one of the benefits of schooling at home anyway. The neighbor girl is constantly in day care and therefore is constantly sick. Nearly every time I see her she is either sneezing, coughing, or suffering from a green, runny nose. Half the times we are sick, I will safely wager it is from her germs. I realize that the germs are present anyway and all that, and we could probably pick up the same germs at the store. There is probably no escaping it. But wouldn't it make sense to lessen our chances of exposure by telling the girl that since she is sick she must go home? I don't care if she has surpassed the "24 hour antibiotic period" or if she is at the last dregs of her sickness. She is still coughing and sneezing and spreading her germs in my home, poor girl.

The mother of this girl is, I am certain, so pissed off at me because of my assertiveness on this issue. Just yesterday while Dear Sir and I were napping she brought her girl over and when we got up she was here playing. While she was running she was coughing like a seal and I spied gobs of snot cascading down her nostrils. I stopped her and said, "Wait a minute. Are you sick?"
She said, "Yes."
I said, "You need to go home."
She went home and I could tell once she got home she told her mom what I said. I did not go outside much the rest of the day, but Dear Sir was out there and the girl came up to him and said, "I am not contagious! I am not contagious!"

Dear Sir just shrugged his shoulders. We just got over a horrible sickness (that I am certain that I did not get from the poor girl) and I just do not want anyone to be sick again. I say that if you are snotting green/yellow stuff and sneezing and coughing horrendously, you are contagious and spreading germs. I don't care if the germ is on my table before she got there, the chances are higher if she comes with more!

Last summer I specified with the mother that if the kids are to play together at all we need to set a standard for illnesses. I said that if any of our kids are sick, we will not let them play together to cut down on contracting sickness. She completely disregards me and says every time her girl is sick that it is either allergies, or she has been on anti-biotics for 24 hours. It drives me nuts. I know that my standard pissed her off but I don't care. My first priority is the health of my own children, not whether she can have a break from her girl and send her over here for a few hours to play because little lassie is bored. I am all for helping her out and giving the woman a break---but not when the girl is sick!

Am I nuts?


~Jennifer said...

Nope. I think it's a little rude that she just sends her daughter over without talking to you about it first anyway. I remember when I was pregnant and not feeling well, and all three of my kids spent the entire day playing over at a neighbor's house in the backyard. I felt such a mixture of relief and guilt. I sent the mom a little thank you note telling her what a relief it was to have the kids out of the house while I wasn't feeling well. I can't imagine sending my child over to play on a regular basis without reciprocating generously. (Maybe she does reciprocate. You didn't say, but I get the feeling, no.)

Dapoppins said...

With all the horror stories I have heard about neighbors...I don't let my poor children paly with anyone. That's why I had more than one, so they could each have a buddy.

R said...

Jennifer---she does often call before she brings her over, or else she comes to the door unannounced with her daughter waiting to play. Sometimes her daughter sees the kids in the yard playing and just hops on over without asking.

I really don't mind the girl playing with the kids, it is mainly the sickness issue I can't stand more. It IS getting to the point (as I have not let it though) where it is almost expected that I take the girl for a bit to give the mom a break. I don't need breaks from my kids. I prefer them with me, actually, unless I am sick and Dear Sir can not come home. I just want to be as careful as I can as a parent and do not like my daughter going over there all the time. Houses have different standards, and I just prefer my daughter abiding by mine.

The neighbor has watched our kids twice while we went out on a date, which was totally nice, and she is a really sweet lady and tries hard to reciprocate. She is having a hard time personally and I wish to help her, but there is not much I can do at times when she is either sick, or I have guests over and I need my space.

Dapoppins--Yeah, I know what you mean. My neighbor lady is a nice woman and I trust her---I just know that she has different standards and she is not a Christian, which is not good. I am very open about my faith and how I think she needs to trust in Jesus, but she is not open to Jesus being the one way, which is the new age norm.

We don't let the kids play with many more kids in the neighborhood though. There were a few we allowed at one time and they were horrendous and my boys learned some bad stuff from them (language, etc.). They are not allowed to play with those kids any longer. We are plugging into our church more now, and we hope and pray more friends that are influenced in a godly way will be available to our kids. That is our prayer, anyway.

KingJaymz said...

You're not nuts, R. We have a neighbor who expects us, a childless couple, to just entertain and care for his kid no matter what. We've been putting our foot down, but he isn't getting the message. Oy!

No, you aren't crazy. Most of us not stay at home moms work jobs where we are likely to be hunted down, captured and brought in to work if we call in sick. If someone is ill, I expect them to avoid me, just as I avoid them when I am sick. It is just common courtesy. Yet, rationalization is a slippery slope once one starts down it. It is an easy place to go, and all of us do to some extent. Just keep holding your ground. You could always put up an electric fence, if it comes to that... (lol)

The Woman said...

We've dealt with this since the second The Kid came into the world. She has a compromised immune system. The last two times we went to church, we came down with a wicked crud. Why? Sick lil kiddies that had been brought to Sunday school! Ack!

I have no shame... If someone comes to my door, I ask them bluntly if they or their kids are sick. One sniffle, and you aren't coming in. Period.

Dapoppins said...

And that cough that lasts three weeks that isn't suppose to be contagious but my kids always seem to get after going to church with someone else who has it! ACK!

Leslee said...

As a mother with a kid in daycare I can honestly say that we working moms tend to become desensitized (probably spelled wrong but my head hurts and I'm not looking it up today) to being around sickness. But I also agree with you, if you have a certain level of wellness required for playing with your kids then stick to your guns. My neighbor and I don't always agree on what's sick and what's not, but I atleast pay attention to what she thinks is sick and that that into consideration before allowing my kid to pay with her granddaughter.

Emma Sometimes said...

Oh, R, that makes me nuts too!! It was an inconsiderate mom who got my kids sick at church and they passed it to our brand new baby girl in 03. My daughter was only 5 days old and in the Urgent Care with RSV. 10 days later we went home.

Germs are the WORST (and so are the Target multiple kids carts) you are so right in sending her home.

R said...

Jared--Weird neighbor. I just don't get people sometimes.

An electric fence sometimes sounds good. Lol.

Woman--You are a trooper. You inspire me, and have no shame because you aught not to! I wouldn't want to push you anyway. You are so cheery just about all the time, I wouldn't want to see the mad side (I know it takes a ton to get you mad). :)

Dapoppins--I know, it drives me nuts. The coughing and "they are not contagious!" Really? How are they not? Did you put magic anti-contagious serum all throughout their mucus? Give me a break!

Leslee--I can see how a mom who puts her children in day care can become desensitized. It is easy to do with anything. The sad thing, is that day care children (at least the neighbor girl) are sick so much because they constantly pass it around, that it would be rare if they could play with the well children at all if everyone stuck to their guns.

It is sad, but we have to be careful.

Emma--Now that makes me furious. Furious!!!

Dear Sir and I have made a rule in our home that we will not bring our kids to church if they are sick. We will not take Communion (we have one cup we drink from) if we are sick, etc, because it is called loving your neighbor. Knowing that you are sick or your child is sick, and knowing that germs pass on to others even more if you are participating or exposing them by being present or something of that nature is deliberately putting your neighbor at risk. If I allow my kids to be exposed to the kid next door when she is totally ill, I am not loving my children but putting that kid's needs over my own kids needs! No way! Also, my husband gets what the kids get (I usually don't) and he has to go out and work. I can handle being home and contracting an illness since I am home already if it has to come to that, but my poor husband has to work and do well at his job, and it is not fair for me to take that risk. No way.

Thanks for your support.

Carolanne said...

Yay! You are a sensible mum!! I wish more of my parents of students in my classroom had your attitude.

Amazingly though, one boy who had perfect attendance for the last 3 years (at least!) took 2 days off early this week. I had to call his Dad to see if Josh was sick - all he had was a cold but his dad didn't want the boy to spread his germs. Every now and again, a parent does something brilliantly!