It's a Miracle

This weekend was filled with more yard work (did I ever mention that we have a massive yard?) and relaxing. I actually made biscuits and tea and Dear Sir and I sat outside and had a Southern evening. Suddenly all the leaves have popped out on the trees and now we are unable to see anything outside of our own yard.

Upon moving to good ol' Dixie, I could not find a store or anything because I could not see anything but trees from the road. They put a green blanket over everything and a person coming from desolate Idaho has no chance of getting that 2% milk or half and half (Dear Sir and the kids put it in their cereal so it is a staple) without stopping someone to ask where in tarnation is the stinkin' grocery store? In Idaho, however, I could see Albertson's from ten miles away on a country road. Well, that is an exaggeration, but it is close to true.

Here is a little racer car that the Oldest made for Awana. The wheels have these tiny hubcaps that mysteriously got lost during the day. When the Oldest figured out where they last were, he realized that they had been on the kitchen table. Problem was, Eraser Eater already vacuumed under the table, swept up the floor, and someone had already wiped the table itself up and disposed of crumbs. Those stupid hubcaps were as small as crumbs.

The look on the Oldest's face when he found that he would miss out on the whole race at Awana after he worked so hard on his car was all I needed to help him out. I was pretty pissed off though because I had already battled the stupid gelatinous mass earlier, and then the sink was leaking. In fact, I started digging through the trash to find the sink leaking. I dug through the trash. I found one. I heard footsteps upstairs and the Oldest found the spare (he got five with the car and had only four out---so he only had one to begin with before our search, which means, we needed to find three hubcaps so he could have a complete set.). I heard Mickey Mouse raise his voice in triumph. Then, in a rush, all three kids came down while I was putting slop back into the trash can. "We found another one in the hamper!" Eraser-Eater chirped.

The wonders never cease.

Someone said something about a hubcap probably in the vacuum bag because Eraser Eater so faithfully sucked everything up, so I left my body, turned off my brain, and obeyed them by grabbing the vacuum bag and attempting to cut it with my kitchen shears. They broke. Just broke like they protested. "My kitchen shears broke!" I said in desperation.

The kids looked a bit fearful because they know how I am about my kitchen shears. All hell breaks loose if anyone touches them or they are gone when I need them.

The Oldest grabbed a flimsy and worthless pair of scissors from the school cabinet and somehow it cut through the stupid bag. "Those are some big dust bunnies!" the Oldest said.

"Dust bunnies? Cute!" said the Girl.

"No, they are not cute," I snapped. I took the tip of the scissors and sifted through the grey mass of matted hair and gross dust. Mite-like unmentionables forming a cloudy clump. I could tell that the Oldest was hot with anticipation. He almost gets fearful at these moments because he knows that he is not the one in control and I could decide at any moment to abort mission and he would lose a hubcap, lose the race, lose a chance at getting a badge. I could tell he was thinking, just one more, mom, c'mon! He was jolting around in one place like he was getting ready to hear the gunshot and run. Truthfully, the whole task looked impossible. It was like trying to find a needle in a haystack, literally. I kept shaking my head as I searched through the grey mass. Finally I saw something black and I took it up with my fingers.

"That was miraculous!" Eraser-Eater yelled as I held up the stinking hubcap. The Oldest, chirping like Mickey Mouse, took the cap from me and jumped up and down like he won a car on the Price is Right. "Now I can enter the race, win the race, and get a badge!!!!! Thank you, Mom, you saved me from certain loss!!"

So this is what I do all day. I search for things my kids lose, I fix stuff, I do yard work, I grill chicken.

End of story. Why do you read this? Good grief...


Ba Doozie said...

we're forced to read it because you post it, so there. I hope his cool car totally wins the race if thats what they are doing. If not, I hope his cool car takes over the world and dominates

I also hope you don't get allergies really bad from breathing in vacuum dust

~Jennifer said...

We read for the suspense and intrigue.

KingJaymz said...

We read because most in our culture have this almost pornographic lust for the intricate details of other peoples lives (why else would most of our youth care where Paris Hilton was last spotted with who?). But, I think most of us here read because you're a talented and funny writer. We enjoy how you put things that seem mundane, which turns them into an instant adventure full of suspense. I think we read mostly because we care, though. You're pretty cool :)

Carolanne said...

What kingjaymz said. :)

You're a better mum than I could ever be - I doubt that I would have gone raking through dust bunnies to find a tiny hubcap for a model car!

shealyisnottheantichrist said...

I am insanely curious to see how you do everything that you do. You are amazing. Also, I am just as curious as to what life on the East coast is like. I miss having little kids.

Joel said...

Come on over and see what life is like! - Joel

The Woman said...

I read because I like you! That and you do a lot of things I see on I Love Lucy... Can I be your Ethel?

Dapoppins said...

I can I not love things like naming a child, "the Eraser Eater." C'mon. That's better than Borat.

Alisa said...

Aww! It's awana cars! That's kind of funny, cause I was cleaning out my closet and made a post about that too...

Keep up the good work, Aunt R.