At present I have five kids. They are all running around with swords, slashing things and calling out to one another. I have pledged to myself not to go insane, and so far it is working. Don't go insane, don't go insane, don't go insane. I think later they may be able to go outside even though it is windy like Chicago.

My little three year old nephew is a riot. I asked him if he liked macaroni and cheese and perhaps I would make that for lunch and he said to me, "I don't like macaroni and cheese you make. Only macaroni and cheese my mommy or daddy makes." I think it is funny his daddy makes anything. What a man.

I made him sit and finish his milk at breakfast because the price of milk is like four bucks a gallon, and he complained. "I will have a tummy ache if you make me drink this!" I dug my heels in and handed him a straw and said, "Keep drinking!" He tried to tell me it was terrible milk, but I would have none of it. The kid is terrified of beans so I used that. I told him that in a few minutes the rule in the house is that we put beans in the milk. He sipped pretty fast after that and smiled and let out a little whimper.

The kid keeps me on my toes because every time he goes to the bathroom he takes all of his clothes off from the waist down. He soon comes running at me saying, "Aunt Wachel! Aunt Wachel!" dangling his undies and pants in front of him. As I put on his undies for him, he says, "I wove tese tundies. Tey too toft." He's so particular, it cracks me up.

Today the Oldest turns eleven, and I quote him as he sat drinking his coffee, "I know, my turning eleven freaks you out. You don't have to say it."

"Yeah, it freaks me out! Your clothes fit me! Your shoes fit me!"

"You're a big woman."


"You're a big woman."


"You are taller than the average woman."

"Well, sort of. I am slightly taller than the average woman, but in reality, I am a small woman. People say I'm small."

His eyes bugged out.

"You're a big strong woman."

"Whatever, a lot of women are taller than me."

His eyes bugged out. I really don't know what he is thinking.

I got a ticket last year for my inspection being expired and the cop wrote down that I have brown hair and brown eyes. This was when I had obvious blonde hair. When I got a ticket last week for speeding (cough, cough), I was pleased as punch that the cop still recorded that I had blonde hair and green eyes. FINALLY! He had my weight wrong though.

By the way, my nephew just passed some serious gas. He calls that "foof." If I think about that too much I will laugh until I cry.


KingJaymz said...

We had a friend who had a little boy who would take off everything but his socks to go to the bathroom. I'm not kidding.

You are a laugh riot! Putting beans in milk.

A big woman? No, R, you're small.

We're only paying about $2.25 on average for a gallon of milk here in the Pacific NW, but gas is $3.10+ a gallon now. What are you paying for that?

~Jennifer said...

My sixteen year old son used to take off all his clothes to go to the bathroom. I found out it was because he would squat on the toilet, not sit on it. I've heard that is actually a healthier was to evacuate the uh, well you know. In fact, they sell special chairs that fit around the toilet so you can squat. Not sure how I got here from there. Hmmm. Oh yeah, my son. Anyway, he may still use the bathroom this way. I wouldn't know, and I really don't want to. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Let's just hope your nephew learns to put on his own tundies before he's sixteen! Let's also hope he recovers from his beanophobia soon, although it does sound useful.
BTW, you have been awarded the coveted Thinking Blogger Award over at my place, just sos you'll know. Congrats! I really appreciate your writing!

Lyssa said...

I can get milk here for half that price! Ack!

You're not a very big woman. Last time I saw you (which was a few years ago) I was already taller than you I think, and I've even grown about five inches since then. I don't understand the growth spurt of the past two years in college. You'd think I'd be done by now!

shealyisnottheantichrist said...

You are awesome to keep five kids all week! I am thinking stars in your crown or something like maybe you get to be childless with your hubby for several days later!

Anonymous said...

you got a ticket? YEEHAWWWWWWWWWWW

just kidding. That little guy sounds fun, I like that age.

the 11 y/o is scary. He's only one year away from pooberty. That P word scares me to death

The Woman said...

First of all, Happy Birthday to The Oldest! Yay 11!

Don't worry about his comments. The first time The Kid put on glasses, she said, "Mama, you don't look as bad as I thought you did!"

5 kids? Tundies? Foofs? You've got it going on over at your house dontcha?

Never had a ticket...

Lynn said...

Happy Birthday to the Oldest!

Milk is around $4 a gallon here, too. I love your bean idea, I may use that on Jack!

R said...

Jared--We pay about $2.70 last I saw. But I have not been out in a few days with the five kids, so it could have changed since then.

Jennifer--I don't want to know certain things too! LOL!

JRH--I wish I were more of a thinking blogger, but I have found that when I do write something thought-provoking, no one comments. So, I just stick to my menial little life highly stocked with plenty of phobias. Thank you! I will post about it in a jiffy.

Lyssa---I think he was saying I was big because he thinks HE is big and if we are the same size, I HAVE to be big to make him feel better. He he.

Shealy--Not sure if I will be childless any time really soon, but I hope at some point. But--the kids are doing great and they keep making me smile. I never knew I loved children. (J/K)

Doozie--I knew you would appreciate my ticket. Good grief. The eleven year old age is indeed a bit frightening.

Woman--I had never had a speeding ticket before, but that is what you get when you put slow Sarah McLachlan music in your ipod. You feel the need for speed? I don't know what happened. It wasn't on purpose, but oh well.

Lynn--Beans help with many a problem in this here house. The kids is petrified of them. I actually took a can of beans and rubbed it on him and he freaked out. It was pretty hilarious.

Leslee said...

You went blonde again? I would've fought the ticket last year saying to the judge to read the discription because it was obviously not you!

R said...

Leslee--No, I didn't go blonde again, but my hair is dishwater blonde. In fact, it has toned down a ton since I had it colored and it initially was way darker than my natural color. I was sure it would tone down and it did. So, when the police officer wrote blonde he was right, it is not quite light brown. I have dark blonde hair.

Dapoppins said...

My daughter likes to get nakked to use the bathroom. My three boys don't like her nakked so much.
Your son was thinking, "MOM! Your big cause you can WHUP me!"

Visiting by way of "everyone!"

Anonymous said...

Making a kid drink milk that he does not want is not very smart or healthy.

R said...

It is healthy if I say it is. It is my house.