The Soap Method

I had this vivid dream about buying some vehicle headlight bulbs and someone who shall not be named almost broke them and I picked them up. I remember in the dream looking at the bulb as it enlarged and I smoothed out a small crack with my thumb. It exploded in my hand and some sort of lava/plasma dripped and burned all over it and the only thing that would cure it was my running to the sink to use my very own soap. I had scars, but the plasma evaporated and I didn't even have the pain of burns.

The dream came from the fact that I washed Eraser Eater's mouth out with soap yesterday. I had had it. I swear. The whining was unbelievable. The boys would not stop arguing and fighting. Nothing was working. So I told them the next time I heard a whine or a vile word from their mouths I was going to wash them out----"and believe me, my soap doesn't taste good!" I warned them fair and square. I was almost jumpy, my ears were so thrashed with whining and antagonizing. It gets bad when you almost wish to say, "Don't call me 'mom' anymore!" because the sound of the word in a whining tone is much worse than using some assumed name instead. At least the association would not be there. Whining to me is like how coinage and cheese mingling together sounds. Ugh. I can't believe I just wrote that.

The boys were calm finally once I had my rant with them and the Oldest sat down to study math and Eraser Eater sat down to read. The girl grabbed one of Eraser Eater's books that was on the coffee table (that had nothing to do with school) and he freaked. He lifted his voice to all the whining gods within range to hear his supplication. My body tweaked in response and I calmly took his hand and led him to the bathroom. He at once knew his doom. I won't go into details, but I made him sit there for three minutes with a bar of my soap in his mouth. Afterwards, I told him to rinse and brush his teeth to take care of it. You would have thought the world ended. I tell you what though, he did not whine once the rest of the day!

Whenever I would detect a bit of whining, he would say, "But I wasn't whining, I was just explaining something....let me say it a bit better this time...." Ah, yes, that's the ticket (as Jennifer would say).

The second Dear Sir got home he got a full report. He almost spilled it out to his teacher in AWANA last night but then he said, "It is embarrassing for me, and besides, I wouldn't want to get Mom in trouble."

Everyone is so calm and full of brotherly love here lately. I don't get it.


KingJaymz said...

Coinage and cheese? I uhhh...that is unique. I gotta hand it to someone who could come up with something as original as that. Seriously, that's good. It almost sounds like the title to a cartoon, doesn't it?

I was wondering if I could borrow your "The Goal of Every Woman" post from 10/5/05? I went back there looking for a clue as to why you named your blog "Green Cathedral" and found it. It's really good, and I like to address issues like that on my blog. Come check me out (read back a couple of posts, my current one mainly explains some recent changes to the template), even leave me a comment, if you please. I wouldn't "reappropriate" another's creative material without their permission.


R said...

Jared---Borrow away!

Did you figure out why I call this Green Cathedral? Just curious.

I will be sure to go visit you in a few.

R said...

Oh gee, I forgot to say something about the coinage and cheese. It does sound like a cartoon title a little, yes. LOL.

If you do look in the archives there is a post called Room 101, I think that will answer any questions. I admit I am freakish.

Another is called "Horrid Hair" I believe, and yet another is more appropriate to coinage in "Horrid Metal".

R said...

Good gracious, just type the search word "metal" on my search bar, and it will take you to all sorts of goodies.

Now you know I am crazy.

Leslee said...

I'm impressed he sat there for 3 minutes with the soap in his mouth. My strong willed stubborn girl fights me tooth and nail and I end up sticking a wet soapy washrag in her mouth while she's making gagging noises.

Jim said...

Your soap looks like cheese especially when place on a cutting board. tastes all right as far as soap goes.

Last week Sparky ate a whole bar of soap--wasn't yours, bar of dove--barfed all over the place at 3am. fun, fun, fun.

R said...

Leslee---Yeah, Eraser Eater is not that strong-willed. For some reason he just sat there and cried, thinking it was the worst thing in the world. He would never dare fight me. In fact, none of my kids would. I don't know how that works. Maybe I look intimidating.

Jim---Poor Sparky! But really, poor Jim, because he probably had to clean it all up! That's awful!

I had a laugh about the cutting board and the cheese. Lemony cheese!! Eat up!! LOL.

Anne said...

We don't use soap. I'm a vinegar mom myself. I use a medicine dropper so not to spill during the flailing of arms and jumping up and down that occurs.

Lisa said...

Why am I suddenly envisioning Ralphie from Christmas Story? *LOL*

Good job, Mom! *Applause*

KingJaymz said...

What strange world is this that I have stumbled upon?!

I read, among other ones, Attack of the Killer Rock and Eraser Eater is a Freak. Coinage and cheese, eh? Dragonflies? Topless man siblings? Wow. I am more fascinated than I can express. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only freak out there.

I still have no idea why this place is called "Green Cathedral", but I will be sticking around. I'll get a reciprocal link set up soon.

One thing is for sure, when I'm eating breakfast I will never look at that quarter on the table the same, ever again.

R said...

Anne---now that's an idea!

Lisa--I thought of Ralphie when I inserted the bar. Except my bar was not red! LOL!

King Jaymz--No, you are not the only freak out there, there is much worse when you explore! Ha ha!

I can give you the low down on Green Cathedral. My favorite color is green and I like cathedrals. There you have it. :) I like the sound of the two words together too.

I used to have a soap company (that now my friend owns in Idaho) called Cathedral Soap. I thought the name fitting because the word 'cathedral' comes from the word 'catharsis' which means to get clean. Good for soap. I am also a big fan of Thomas Hardy, the writer, who also was an architect who designed Dorset churches and for some reason cathedrals remind me of him.