Irish Spring

Most of my readers will find this beginning part boring, but oh well. Skim away. I wrote it for nothing then.

I was switching out some batteries in the girl's little barn toy (that plays hokey farm music) and found a battery that had busted. I did not realize it busted until I had taken the old batteries out, put in new batteries, and scratched my lip when I had an itch. I felt a familiar zap and immediately thought of lye---sodium hydroxide, the chemical you use to make soap (NaOH). I did not realize that an alkali (duh---it says "alkali" on batteries!)---a caustic substance--- was inside a battery. I did not realize that an alkali could do this---power small toys and electronics.

I immediately washed my face and looked up batteries on Wikipedia. I know, I like that site. It is helpful. I had forgotten that potassium hydroxide is also used in soapmaking---but in making soft soap. And it is in batteries. Very interesting.

Potassium hydroxide is a natural product of burned wood ash (called potash). During animal sacrifices the fat would be exposed and burned, and what would trickle down would be sudsy bubbles. Or so I have read somewhere (not Wikipedia). It would make sense---the "potash" would saponify with the rendered animal fat, making soap. And an animal sacrifice would result in sins cleansed away. Makes complete sense. Soap is Biblical and necessary.

So---imagine my shock when after spraying some Febreeze Anti Microbial, I smell Irish Spring, therefore resulting in Dear Sir saying, "I really wish you would buy me some Irish Spring. I haven't had real soap in so long, Rachel. It's been years!"

Listen to me. I LOVE Dear Sir. I absolutely go bonkers over the guy and he knows it, otherwise he would not feel so comfortable as to say something so ridiculous.

"I am NOT buying Irish Spring!" I cried. "Do you realize that your skin is the most sensitive organ on your body and you want to put terrible itchy, unnatural, detergent soap on it?"

"Oh, come on." Was all he said as he shook his head.

"I tell you what," I said, "I will go online tomorrow and see if I can find Irish Spring fragrance oil and I will make you my version of Irish Spring."

And that is what I did.

And it is stinking up the whole house and making my head spin. Hey, it's kind of perfect for Saint Patrick's Day, and I didn't even time it. Cool.


Anonymous said...

oh come on..just get the poor guy some irish spring. i use it, my son uses it, and afterall, we're not in control of our own destiny, the soap will not kill the man, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF MARY, GET THE MAN SOME SOAP

R said...

Are you on crack, Susie?

The man complains of dry skin all the time and the remedy is to buy him Irish Spring? It's like if a man complained that his liver hurt and then he wanted some alcohol. That's the ticket. I know for a fact he would be ten times worse if it weren't for the lack of Irish Spring in his life. He forgets so easily.

So---I did indeed make him my own version that smells just like it and just as strong, and he is a happy man.

Best of both worlds, I would say.

Lisa said...

Remember all those cool old Irish Spring commercials? :o)

Anonymous said...

I think I'd like to try and make soap. Might be good for my little guy who has such sensitive skin.

Can you recommend a website that would show me what to do?

Love reading your blog!

Leslee said...

LOL!!! You're so mean to that man. All he wants is normal soap like all the other guys he works with us.


R said...

Lisa--I remember them! All I can think of though is an old Irish guy with a long white beard standing in moss.

Anonymous--you can write me at wessexcathedraldotgmaildotcom and I can give you a heads up on how to make my kind of soap. It will take little bit of funds (maybe a hundred bucks or so) to get started. Of course it will take buying lye online and carrier oils online, but I can get you connected to the best places to purchase depending on where you are at on the map.

Leslee--I know better than him, is all. I think he knows that I am right though. It is an insult to a soap Queen like me to hear that he wants some store bought soap! Mine is practically gourmet! What else does the guy want!?

Anonymous said...

i am SO on crack, i hate it that you figured me out.

emmers bemmers said...

okay, I'm behind on my blogging but I had to comment on your soap.

Irish Spring Soap smell comes from hell's flowers. Okay, to each his own.

My feelings have nothing to do with the fact that I puked soap and bubbles after my step mom washed my 8 year old mouth out for saying 'apple' and holding my tongue. (a**hole)I still have to hold my breath when I go down the soap isle.

I bet your green bars of soap looked cute though...

R said...

Susie--you tickle me pink!

Emmers---Good grief woman, what a terrible experience! I would avoid Irish Spring at all costs if it came to that! The smell is quite strong, so if you had an association with puking it up, I am very sure that just the slightest scent of it would put you over the edge. It is a good thing you said that because I thought a bit about sending you a bar!! :)

They do look so cute. Dear Sir is in Irish Spring heaven. I even washed with it and didn't itch!