Boomer on the Barbie

The day we got home from the beach Eraser Eater wanted to try out his new boomerang (he got as a souvenir). I could hear my oldest in his high-pitched Mickey Mouse voice outside and the low hum of Dear Sir's in succession as the three men go outside to try the thing out. Soon Dear Sir's head pops in through the sliding-glass door and he says, "Rachel, we can't get the boomerang to work. No one knows how to throw it."

This is my signal to somehow produce, but I don't know how to throw a boomerang either.

I try it and of course, I do not throw it correctly. I sit and try to check the instructions, but they are confusing.

The neighbor comes over and tries it. She tosses it like a frisbee.

Dear Sir continues to mow the lawn and grill chicken at the same time.

My oldest takes the boomerang, backs up almost to the street and aims toward the neighbor's house. I am still looking at the instructions.

"It landed on the grill! Rachel! The boomerang is on the grill!" yells Dear Sir. He abandons the lawn mower, jumps over some shrubbery, and grabs it with the tongs. Eraser Eater at this point is in tears, thinking his boomerang is dead for good. I run over to take the boomerang and wipe off the barbecue sauce.

"You need to throw toward the STREET!" yelps Dear Sir in complete frustration.

"Uh, ok. Sorry, Dad," says my oldest.

"I think he's done," I say. "Just let [Eraser Eater] throw it."

Dear Sir, since he is holding the tongs, turns the chicken. He closes the grill and walks back to the mower. He starts it up again.

Somehow my oldest gets the boomerang again. Maybe he gets it from Eraser Eater or maybe Eraser Eater gives it to him, who knows.

I hear Mickey Mouse again in a whimpering yelp, and the boomerang flies through the air, heads toward the ground, and grazes Dear Sir's legs while going between the man and the mower. Dear Sir is quick and pulls back. The look on his face is classic.

All I can think of at this point is the look on Alice's face when the Cheshire Cat pulls up the Queen of Hearts' dress skirt, causing her to fall on her face and expose her red heart polka dotted underwear to all of the court and the whole world. She gets up with much difficulty (she is very fat) and tramps toward Alice with a red face, harried and angry look, and hair all wacky. Lets not forget the drum roll as she starts to speak and the picture shaking to better reveal really how angry she is. So she says, "Someone's head will ROLL FOR THIS!......YOU!" and she points at Alice.

The look on Dear Sir's face is almost incredulous. He can not believe that the boomerang was on the barbecue, then shortly about to knick him in the shin. His eyes pop out of his head and of course, in the true Queen of Hearts fashion, his face is beet red. Instead of "Off with your head!" he says, "Did I not say to throw toward the street? Why do you have the thing again anyway? You almost hit me! You are going to hurt people!" Etc. Etc. The neighbor is still close so I am sure he is trying to keep his cool. I look at the neighbor. She is in the garden and I catch her eye. She puts her hand over her mouth and giggles. I do too.

I immediately go to the pc and look up how to throw a boomerang. It says to throw in an open field, away from people, animals, and houses---basically anything that can get broken or hurt.

I laugh heartily though because I think it is funny. What are the odds, I say.

It's all high stress around here.