Not only that, but the drops she prescribed have cortisone in them---so I have white gooey stuff coming out of my eye in addition to the yellow gooey stuff already coming out. That'll look nice when I go to work. I do have some pride.
I took the kids to the grocery store yesterday and they were terrible. It has been a long time since I have had to say over and over again, "get over here!" At one point the produce guy was in between the Oldest and I during one of our staring matches. I could see faintly through my oozing eye that the guy was slightly curious to know what I was going to do.
You know, all I can think of to make this situation seem understandable is this: it is like shopping with a bag of marbles. The marbles keep spilling out all over the place while you are grabbing lettuce or cheese, and you have to stop and gather them all up again.
"You are ALL OVER THE AGE OF SEVEN!" I shouted in the car. Apparently shouting is not beyond me. I think they can not hear. Well, they can't because when I say "get over here" it doesn't work. As I drove, I went through each child, one by one, and labeled and stated their transgressions.
I pointed to the Girl----"you poke and annoy the boys so they will get in trouble by how they react to you, and then I turn around and think it is just them but really it is you, isn't it?" I said.
"Yes," she admitted in a small voice.
I pointed to the Oldest----"Are you three?"
"I felt like I needed to put you in a grocery cart, boy. Only three year olds run around when put on the ground. You are nearly TWELVE years old! Grocery carts are for three year olds. They contain them. Do you need to be contained?"
I pointed at Eraser Eater---"You will quit begging for stuff----TODAY! Do you think I had an enjoyable shopping experience with a NINE YEAR OLD who kept begging for something at my side constantly? Do you think I want to give you any more money for allowance if that very money is dying to be spent and you want to give in every time we go outside? How about I don't give you money anymore when you do your chores and that temptation is eliminated?!!!!"
I hope my oozing eye made me look more scary.