Last night I about lost my mind.
I took the kids to AWANA (it's like Sunday School for kids on Wednesday nights at the local Baptist church) last night because Dear Sir came home from work sicker than a dog with the neighbor girl's cold that she so sweetly infected us with. Remember? She lied and told me she was not sick (she has allergies) and then told my daughter later that she was "tricking" me and she really was sick. Well, now Dear Sir has the plague and last night I had to take the kids to AWANA on my own. I tell ya, Dear Sir is my other brain. I mean, he has a full brain to operate on and I have only half of one, I am beginning to believe. I forget stuff all the time. You know, I wake up at night frightened to death wondering if I have left the grill on or not.
When I picked the kids up, they were all chipper and happy and sweaty. It was the usual. I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary like the common moron that I am. I got 3/4 of the way home and looked at my Oldest who was straining in the dark of the car to read the Superman comic he brought.
"Where are your glasses?!" I barked.
"Your glasses. Where are they?!"
"Oh no! I forgot them!" yelped Mickey Mouse.
I turned the car around. I completely lost my mind too. I pretty much turned into an animal and growled all the way back to the church. The church. I went 80. I thought about the convo with the Man of the House if I went home without the glasses. Remember (you really ought to click there) when the boy lost them at his friends house because he took them off in the grass? They scanned that grass for days and I scanned that grass until dusk looking for those things. Dear Sir was a mad ball of wrath for an entire weekend because they were lost. And a girl found them somewhere, I don't know, by a volleyball net or some madness like that.
"I will never take them off again," mumbled the Oldest in his high pitched way.
I was out for blood.
"Even in the shower?!"
"Even in the shower," he sighed. He believes anything.
He actually found the glasses. He went in, found them in the gym nearly where he left them, and ran back triumphantly. I demanded silence the whole way home. All three of the crazies were solemn.
Fast forward to bed time:
"Take a shower. Do I have to tell you every stinking time?" Dear Sir winced. Mind, the man was doped up on Sudafed. You ain't nice when you're on that stuff.
"No." The Oldest looked at me. "Do I keep them on or off?" he asked.
"What do you think?" Dear Sir said impatiently.
The Oldest looked at me blankly, confused.
"Use common sense."
I could tell he was about to get in the shower with those things on.
"Take them off," Dear Sir said. "Don't get smart."
"He's not getting smart," I said, "he---never mind."
The Oldest went into the bathroom mechanically and closed the door.
I repented this morning during prayer time if that is any consolation.