Fools in Pools

This morning the Girl decided that she was not happy wearing her alternate bathing suit (since her Ariel one was in the trunk and stinky from yesterday) to go to lessons, so she piled on the freak fit and made us late. She does that once in awhile. Makes me nuts. I have to threaten her with certain torment if she whimpers and cries one more second. I get all short and mean; everyone gets quiet, no one crosses me. I go sort of insane. I absolutely hate it when someone pulls something the time I have to leave in a hurry and then I have to stop and manually squeeze the tallow, drop by drop, into a pot. There were definitely some discipline things that had to go on before exiting the door, and that happened, but there was still the issue of being late to a thirty minute swim lesson that was canceled yesterday, by the way. I arrived there on time and everything with the girls (the neighbor girl included) and the life guard was like, "Oh, no one called you?"

Come here while I take your nose and twist it off...
I know, so Christian of me.

Well, it wasn't canceled today even though there was a synchronized swimming class going on at the same time. The Pointer Sisters blasted as older, big women flailed their arms around in the pool, looking like they were doing not much of anything. They were having fun though. I admired their drive. It was sort of chaotic. A swim lesson with all these women in a circle not much further in, with Barbara Streisand going nuts to some beat. I couldn't hear anything that the lifeguards were saying to the girls, I was surprised they heard anything. Whatever.

Yesterday I took the kids to the pool up north in Manassas at my SIL's apartment. We sat next to this gate that sounded like a piercing shatter every time a kid went through it and I regretted it immediately. It was like a shard would go through my ear every time a kid walked by there. I had finally had it when some kid did it again about mid way through our visit.
"Hey!" I said to the kid, "Would you mind gently closing that gate and not slamming it? The sound is getting in my head, I hate it!"
He immediately started calling me ma'am and stuff so it didn't happen anymore from any other kids besides my own. I could not believe the Oldest and Eraser Eater started doing it once things were fine. GRRRRR....

I am sort of mean to kids at pools. Some were splashing around a couple of weeks ago and got some water on my book. "Hey!" I yelled. "Hey kid, you got some water on my book! I wouldn't do that if I were you!" and I started to get up. They were all freaked out and were all apologetic. I let out a huge laugh and they loosened up after that, but didn't splash on me again. Kids can be well-mannered if you force them.


Anonymous said...

You make me feel guilty somehow. I have a perfectly good, beautiful, newly re-finished pool right handy out there in my backyard and hardly ever use it. Maybe a couple times so far this summer and that's it.

If you don't mind driving about 2500 miles, you're welcome to use it anytime - it's free. Our gate is nice and quiet and there aren't any other snotty kids to drench your read and no synchronized old ladies flailing around (unless my mother happens to fall in).

~Jennifer said...

You should sue for not being called about the cancellation. If you're like me, getting ready to go anywhere with my kids shaves about 3 hours off my life expectancy. That outta be worth a few thousand, doncha think? Yeah, I'd sue. ;-)

Henny Penny said...

Maybe you could use the same technique on the neighbor lady?

Anonymous said...

you just make me laugh so much, your sense of humor is awesome.

I admire your tenacity and your willingness to include said neighbor girl in your wanderings around. You a heckofa good mommy!!

Anne said...

I love to force well-manneredness.

The word verification is: jbcrub

Who's JB Crub? That's a good blogger name.

R said...

JRH---Next when I am in Cali I will prevail on you and Mrs. Me. Trust me, I am not that much of a freak so it wouldn't be a really scary thing to meet me. I look pretty normal in person.

Jennifer---Tell me about it. I was pretty bummed by that, but I guess I just stay at home jobless so I have nothing else to do...good grief...

Henny Penny---I know, I should use that sort of thing, but I am the kind of person that is really joking when I mess with people or at least, kids, I get all intimidating and in their face, scare the crap out of them and then laugh my sides off as I am walking off. They quit whatever it is, but they know I am nicer than I act.

Doozie---you are so sweet to me. I know we would get along great, I picture you being like that too. Or else if the kid was splashing your book you would literally jump on his head and put his head under the water, is what you would do. You would say, "Tell me that you are going to cease sprinkling water on my library book!!!" You would make the kid cry uncle. I am sorry, but to me, you have already done it!!! Ha ha!! YOU crack me up!!

Anne---how about "jbcrap"? LOL!!!

Emma Sometimes said...

A few fatal beatings whips them into shape.

(okay, old Rowan Atkinson joke)