8/15/2007

:(

Pretty much all I am going to write right now is depressing stuff because I am kind of depressed lately. Especially today. I feel like sitting down and having a cry, but then my kids would think I went insane. It is a good thing to not be alone in this world, that God provides people that you create (like children) and the person who you love (who helped you create).

I am not going to get into detail about my sadness. Life can be just a plain disappointment laughing in your face. I hate time but I love it too. When my father died it helped bring home that our lives are short and we do not have time to do the things we thought we could do. We make decisions and things happen to us. Or we make them happen to us. Whatever it is, I don't care. What I am saying is we ourselves are to blame for where we are at, a good place or a bad place. My neighbor can tell me I "don't know how good (I) have it" but she has no clue what a fight it was and is to maintain. It is work, this life. Hard work, if we want to make it good. Things just don't happen, very few win the lottery, very few make the book to the publisher, very few do a great thing that will be remembered.

The only hope is God, I know. But it is all still depressing, a long continual crumbling of the mountain. I am in a bad place right now, full of uncertainties, disappointments and frustrations. At least I have the bikes safely in the shed.

7 comments:

~Jennifer said...

Oh Rachel...

Sorry, I'm still laughing at your last line.

I've been where you are, you know that. Try not to stay there long.

{{{{hugs}}}}}

JRH said...

Hey, there's nothing wrong with a good cry once in a while, if it helps you feel better - and as for your kids, well, they already understand about you, don't they? :-)

I'm with ~Jennifer: {{{R}}}

shealyisnottheantichrist said...

Something outrageous that helps me from time to time is fasting. At the time, it never seems to help, but give it a little time and things always somehow turn around.

Anne said...

Go cry it all out. A good cry for me seems to get rid of the poison inside.

You are on my mind, in my thoughts and in my prayers.

R said...

Thank you, all of you. I just find that I can't even pray. Or at least pray well. My mind is a muddle. I need a rinse in my brain.

Henny Penny said...

I locked myself in the bathroom and had a good cry for about 5 minutes the day before yesterday. It helped.

Sending hugs!

R said...

I am sorry, Henny. Sounds like me. Except when I get on the phone once in awhile I have to lock myself in the bathroom so I can have a conversation. They follow me around.