Mass Chaos

I have not died or anything rash like that, so be still. My mouth has made it---it is slowly getting better. Granted, you can not notice a thing on the outside. My mouth is also so small that even when I talk you can not see my "appliances". So it is all not so bad and the pain is minimizing tremendously.

I almost had a hemorrhage the other day when getting rid of our old couch to welcome the new. My brand new wood floors got a gigantic scrape (thanks to my Oldest who pulled instead of "lifted") when I said the word. I took my dining room rug and covered it so I wouldn't throw up at the loss of perfection. We live in houses, don't we? I am still trying to figure out a way to fix a deep scratch about the size of my foot (size seven, mind you). Oh, the sound when it did its thing (the couch). I woke up in the night with blaring sirens in my head. And only in my head. I have gone crazy. I put a pillow over my ear to stifle the high-pitched squeal but it did not help. It was in my head. The floor is making me lose my mind. Any suggestions on what to do with the floor? Any hard wood experts out there? The agony.

I have since done other things to further prove that I have lost my mind, but I won't mention it here because I am too prideful. I am, however, not too prideful to admit that I have burned pancakes a plenty and completely charred chicken wings to where they are ashen. I shed a few tears when the Professor came home (directly after my blunder), completely at a loss since I have lost my brain, and he put his junk down immediately and started the wings over again after throwing the old ones away. The only thing I had to do in return was get him a beer. When this was done I nursed my singed arm hairs. Yes, I did singe them. Seriously. I hate the smell of burning hair.

And that's all for now. How are you guys doing?


doozie said...

I'm doing great, I have a job as of Aug 4th, so we are not being evicted.

As for the BBQ, PLEASE STEP AWAY FROM THE BARBQUE. Just don't use it anymore, I beg of you. Get a George Foreman grill thingy, you will never again mess up the meat, trust me. This coming from one singed armhair person to another.

Hardwood floors... I had those...had scratches from furniture. There is nothing you can do to prevent things in your house from wear and tear when you have a family of your size.

First of all you need those felt pads on the bottoms off all chair, couch and other furniture legs. Second, if you do get a scratch, use some furniture polish on it. OR, you can use these pen markers they sell at walmart (or wherever) that are for furniture nick repair. I have some that I used on my leather recliner when the cats clawed it. They come in a pack of 3 different shades to fit your needs.

You could also use shoe polish. Just do something to make the scratch vanish, and don't worry about it. It's gonna happen, and in the long run you will eventually just give up and go to Tahiti and live off the land.

Mrs. Sinta said...

I am glad that your mouth feels better, and that you have a new sofa. I am sorry about your floor, your singed arm hair, your burnt dinners and the loss of your mind. I am doing okay.

Groovy Mom said...

My dude and I are still trying to perfect the BB! thing, so no help here, except I love our instant read thermometer fork dealie that tells us if the meat is done. So much better than getting the meat to the table and cutting into it only to have it bleed all over the place.

Mrs. Sinta said...

Yikes. Makes Chinese take out look good.

R said...

Doozie---thank you for the advice.

I think we just need a new grill. We always use it so much we ruin them all.

I think I will get the pens.

Sinta---I am glad you feel my pain. Thanks. My arm hairs are ok, my mouth is irritated but stable, my couch is fab, my burnt dinners are hopefully at an end because I lost my mind so badly today I have come out the other side.

I am absolutely jazzed you are fine. Write me.

Groovy---We don't have issues usually with bleeding food. In fact, I usually don't have issues with grilling at all. It is all about the mind exiting the ears.
I hope you are doing well.

thislittlepiggy said...

Have you seen those people who beat their new wood floors with chains and scrape them with cinder blocks just to give them a distressed appearance?