I Love Insults

This is the fun part of the year where I get to rake for an eternity. I realize that I should already be done, but good grief, I live in a forest and the wind blows and if I would have done the deed a couple of months ago, I would be doing it again right now.

My neighbor (insult lady) came over and commented at how she got most of her leaves raked professionally. She was suggesting to me that I do it as well.
"He only charged me $125," she said with a smile.
I scoped out my yard from where we were standing, at the porch. "It will take a lot more than $125 to do my lawn," I said matter-of-fact-ly.
"Yes, but if you don't, all your leaves will blow into my yard....just kidding...." she did the little whimpering sound she makes to indicate she is really not kidding, and laughed a little.
"I know your pain," I began, "since we are on the corner here, we get the whole neighborhood's leaves. As you can see, the place where all the leaves are in my yard---yes----there are NO TREES, which means, those have blown from somewhere...and I get to rake them up every year."
In plain speech, tough luck. One reason why I don't want to pay for it. I would rather burn some calories out there getting the leaves in my own lawn and get something from it than pay someone to literally do the whole street. That is the worry of putting money into something because you be too lazy to go out and do it yo self.

When I was working on my paned icon art, she came over and thought she would teach me how to paint. We were near a door way and she decided to demonstrate. "Look here," she said, pointing to a closet close to us and it's door frame, "Whoever did this did a really crappy job. It is not a good straight line like you would want. Oh wait a minute. You painted this, didn't you? Oh, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I have a way of hurling insults, don't I?"

"That's quite alright," I said. The sad thing is, I am the best painter I know. Behold, my gorgeous blue and coffee colored striped wall. Eat my shorts.


Dapoppins said...

She is very good with those underhanded insults. And you are very good not to smack her.

Mrs. Sinta said...

Mr. Sinta always tells me snappy comebacks that I could have said when dealing with people like that. They never seem to come to me at the moment they would be useful. You might like the chick flick, You've Got Mail. However, when she was finally able to give the comebacks, she did not enjoy it as much as she thought. I love that movie. I wish that I had written it.

Anonymous said...

I'd buy a leaf blower and blow all the leaves into her yard. Cackle.