This and That 2

So I went to the grocery store to pick up some essentials, like Whoppers and ice cream and stuff. I had this loaded little mini cart and I was swerving around various people in my stay-at-home-mom polka dot dress when I got to a self-checkout "station" at the same exact time as another lady right next to me. Our carts practically crashed. I looked over at her all jovial like and she gave me a side-long glance.
"Wanna fight me for it?" I said with a smile.
"No." She turned in slight disgust, did not smile, and went to another line. I lost it. I laughed much longer than I should have and then found that the lane that we were going to duke it out for was actually under repair and useless. I got in line somewhere else and chuckled to myself.

Why, oh why do humans have no sense of humor?

I told Eraser Eater to make his bed on the top bunk and as he did so I was making another bed in a different room. The Oldest approached me.
"Mom. We have an emergency here. Well, it depends on how you look at it. Just come in and look. It has to do with {Eraser Eater}. It really is sort of funny. Like a cartoon panel. You should find the humor in it."
"What now?!"
"Just come in here...."

Eraser Eater was literally stuck in a slat on the top bunk. The slat was right above his butt and made him completely immobile.
"What the heck?!"
Eraser Eater could not move. He tried to see me but he was facing the wall, trying to get back up on his bed.
"My butt's too big!" he said, "I can't get up! I think you need to move the mattress, Mom, so that it will give me more room to get out of this hole!"
I did so. I contemplated bringing Dear Sir into this madness as I held the stupid mattress and Eraser Eater struggled to suck his butt in and pull himself up. The Oldest pushed him up from the bottom.
I am sure all of the powers of Hades would have been loosened if Dear Sir got in the mix. I imagined him freaking out, perhaps trying to get the WD-40 to oil him from the stinking slat. I imagined him saying, "There is no use. We have to take the bunk bed apart. Can you do it, Rach?"

No, I thought. Too soon. I figured if an hour or so didn't produce some results, Dear Sir can try his hand at it.

It took a good five or ten minutes but the boy did eventually get out of the slat by an act of the heavens. He turned beet red, yelped a little when he had to rub his butt over the slat, and I held the mattress and shook my head.

We went to a Lutheran church today to see what it was like. The Oldest asked where it came from and we told him they follow Martin Luther. "Oh," he said, "they are PROTEST-tants."

"Protestants," I corrected, "we all are."
"Not the Catholics," he chimed.


shealyisnottheantichrist said...

That is hysterical!

Anne said...

That had to have been a picture moment!

Okay, I'm behind - have you gotten the git-tar back yet?

R said...

Shealy---I thought so too but did not want to laugh. We mothers have to appear somewhat stern. Grrr..

Anne--I should have thought to take a picture but then maybe Eraser Eater would do it daily just to get a picture taken so in the end no picture worked for me. :)

About the guitar---NO! I thought I would get it LAST WEEK but it did not show up. I am going to call this week and push it some more. It did get pretty wrecked, I must say. Beautiful guitar though.

Anonymous said...

well that is a fine story for the ages. like anne said you shoulda got a picture. I agree about the humorless americans. I would have done the same thing as you and then laughed....but I would also have probably stabbed her

Jim said...

U R Catholic! Just not Roman. U R "Creedal" or "Reformed" Catholic or an approximation therof.

I'm Catholic too. and Semantic.

~Jennifer said...

I've had kids stuck in strange places too. Come to think of it it's always my son. The girls have too much sense I guess. I take that back, once Rooster stuck her finger in a metal washer and couldn't get it out. We had to cut it off with a bolt cutter. I couldn't be too angry with her because I got my own finger stuck in the hole on a clipboard in 4th grade. My dad had to cut that off me too (but I got out of school early for it!). My dad is the one I called to help get the washer off Rooster's finger too.

Dapoppins said...

Ooooh, the stuck butt. Did you pinch it?

R said...

Badoozie---she needed some sort of punishment, that is for sure. She was buying umpteen boxes of pasta salad. Maybe she will get cramps.

Jim---Yeah, I guess so!

Jennifer---that is all frightening. The girl got one of those clear colored rubber bands from packaging stuck around and around her finger. It was high drama to get that thing off. Finger turning purple and all that. So I know how stressful it is to have stuck digits! Argh!! Glad you got out of that clip board!!

Dapoppins---If I would have pinched his butt I would have had to admit that the scenario was humorous, and I was playing mad mom. But I was tempted!! LOL!!!

KingJaymz said...

I'm laughing my a@@ off at this. Your kids are so hilarious. I just wish I could've been there to witness it in person.

As always, thanks so much for your words of encouragment. It really speaks love to me that you always do without telling me what I should do. You are awesome!