Oleo

Yesterday I had had it with Eraser Eater and his migraines. The Oldest kept calling them "margarines" and I had to keep myself from whopping him upside the head. He still calls the "Vietnam War" the "Vitamin War" too. I don't know how to help with that---read the word, maybe?

So--I got Eraser Eater to the eye doctor because I was convinced that the headaches were from a need for new glasses. He is one of the most compliant children---even in pain, he tries his best to put on a good face. The migraine was getting to him, I could tell. He sat there, in the dark room, with that lens/machine in front of his face and the doctor kept saying, "is this one more clear, or this one?" and he would say, "the first one", or "the second one", etc. Pretty soon his responses were getting less animated and more laborious. In fact, he sounded really strange when the exam was nearly over. "Are you ok?" I asked him smack in the middle of a slide of letters.
"No," he muttered.
"What's up?" I said. The doctor looked at me.
"I think I'm going to puke."
"Right now?" I asked, stupidly.
"Yeah."
I swooped up his eight year old body, carted him to the bathroom, and let him toss his cookies. He had his hands all over the toilet seat and his head was resting there as well.
"My butt hurts!!" he yelped.
Oh good grief, I thought. He's gonna die or something.
"Do you have to go to the bathroom?"
"No." A blast followed.
All I could think about was the rank he was getting on his forehead as he was carelessly marinating on the toilet seat.
When he was finished I bolted out of there and asked the doctor for some alcohol wipes. I took them and wiped down Eraser Eater's face. I cleaned him up pretty well and then he was able to go and finish the exam.

So, his prescription is not very altered. I mean, he needs new glasses, but I don't think that is the cause of the migraines. He was still hurting on the way home, moaning and groaning. I have had to pull over before. That boy has puked in parking lots, grocery stores, Trader Joe's bags, etc. He is good at it. And clean about it too, which is a relief to me. I just have to deal with the Oldest getting all bent out of shape at the noise. So--on the way home I remembered that I have some Tylenol with Codeine in the cabinet. A whole new bottle of it from when the boy hurt his neck at the church gym. I was afraid for a second so I thought I would call his doctor to see if it was ok for a migraine. Dumb decision.
The nurse immediately shut me down with the codeine.
"He needs to be seen," she said.

"Look, if I go to a Quick Care they are just going to prescribe Tylenol with Codeine anyway. I have some already. " I quickly saw my folly in calling. What a dork I am.

"You don't know that. There are other things they could prescribe."

"Ok, but what's the big deal? He is throwing up and stuff and I need something for the pain."

"Tylenol with codeine is a narcotic. "

"Yeah?"

"You don't just give it to your child whenever he has any little ache or pain."
I was very very tempted to give this woman the what for. I quickly regretted calling but since I was in the whole muck already I thought I may as well play out the whole thing to the full. Did she hear that I said he is in so much pain he is throwing up? If she had been available to deck, I would have done it. Call me a heathen.

"Well, he can't be seen until tomorrow, and I need his headache to go away now. What can he take? IB Profen? How much is advisable? What is the largest dose you can recommend?" Last night he had the migraine so badly that nothing was helping---not even a full 200 mgs of Advil. I could hear Eraser Eater moaning in the background.

"What does he weigh?"

"Around sixty-five pounds or so."

"Two junior Motrin tabs."

"I don't have Motrin tabs. I don't have the junior kind. I have regular I B Profen. What can I give him from what I have in my cabinet---I don't want to take my kid another place so he can have yet another opportunity to puke in a parking lot or something. Can I just crack one in half? Can you give me milligrams?"

"Hold on."

She got back on the line and said, "The doctor will call you back."

Oh for crying in a bucket.

Of course, fifteen minutes later a doctor did not call me. Apparently I was not worthy enough to even talk to the nurse anymore. Why do medical people think they are so untouchable? I don't get it. It bugs me that the doctor can not stoop so low as to call a patient. You have to go to them, they can't come to you, they can't give you any straight answers because of lawsuits. Drives me nuts. The receptionist called me.

"The doctor said, 'Two Junior Motrin tabs.'"

Oh yeah? I turned around and handed him two teaspoons of the narcotic.

All better.

I think the migraines are from the Game Cube. I am convinced of it now. I pulled the plug on it and there has not been one headache today. Hmmmm....