5/20/2008

Must I Wait

I am experiencing a lot of bad news lately. I am not going to talk about it here though, but good grief, I am sure you guys don't want to hear it all. In fact, I should not write at all, I am very upset. I find this song appropriate because I feel like dying and want God to just split the heavens open so I don't have to think about this utter silliness.

Anyway, this is my version of Phil Wickham's song called "Must I Wait" that I have heard a billion times over and over because it is one of my favorite running songs. Eventually you wonder if there is another way to sing it. And if you don't know Phil Wickham, you need to. He is in my links under "Mr. Wickham."

13 comments:

Uncle Joe said...

Wow. Very emotional.
I really think you should be recording or touring.

Morton said...

Nice. Sometimes when I can't say the words, I just have to sing instead. I only wish I could sing like you. Well, in a more manly way.

doozie said...

Can I drive the tour bus?

Uncle Joe said...

Ask my wife if Doozie should be driving.

R said...

Uncle Joe---Thank you. You made my day.

Morton---you made my day too.

Doozie---anytime. :)It's bound to be fun!

Uncle Joe---I wonder too, but Doozie is pretty tough so she wouldn't let anyone crash into her....

Groovy Mom said...

BEE-U-TI-FUL, as usual, dear!

Email me if you want to talk about what's going on, k?

angelwings said...

Wow, that line about wanting death and for God to split the heavens is heavy. As I've read through all the blogs you've written, there is a thread of complaining and sadness. I hope you are not heading towards despair, to quote "Anne of Green Gables", to despair is to give up on God.

I don't know all the situations so I can't read between the lines...but blogs are for us to read "the" lines.
I notice you sang a Christian song. Christians have hope, have power from on high, have a peace that transcends all earthly circumstances. The Holy Spirit helps one to say "God's grace is sufficient for me" and "Thy will be done".

If you are a believer, be strong in this! God is a refuge and strength, He is a strong tower in which we can run to. Storms do not make us who we are, they REVEAL who we are.

Well, I'll go onto reading some other blogs. Just wanted to pass on some comforting truths for you to think on. Christians should always have a kind word or encouraging thing to say in the worst of situations. It's what makes us different from the dark, lost world.

Remember there is an angel of mercy always at your side to strengthen you. Tomorrow's blog could read....."Yes I have troubles....but I have a peace that passes all understanding in the Rock of my salvation!"
May angel wings comfort you.

Groovy Mom said...

I just had to say, as a Christian, that last comment did not sound very encouraging. It wreaked of judgment and condemnation. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive these days. I just want you to know, Rachel, that feelings of disappointment and despair do not make you a weak Christian. They are simply a signal that you have an area that needs attention or help. Worry not, sister.

R said...

Angelwings---I am not into angels that much. I mean, I know they are real and I know they are set to protect us, but I just don't put a lot of thought into them probably because my faith is not in them.

I suppose upon reading my blog for the first time people could easily think that I was a little dark and dank, very depressed and whatnot, but that is not always the truth. I like to try to take bad or good things that happen and use them as an excuse to self-deprecate whenever possible because I find it hilarious myself. And of course, it is my blog, so I just do what I want.

And yes, I am a Christian. A very strong one. At times I don't appear so because yes, I am human and I express very human thoughts. And the other thing is that I am human and mature enough not to say all the privately bad things in my life (it is actually a good life but sometimes bad things happen) so what you see here is only a fraction of who I am or even what happens in my little cramped world.

And when I wrote the "heavens swallow me up" I was part kidding and part not kidding. I love to make a mountain out of a molehill just for silliness' sake. And as I wrote it I thought, what better thing to want more than our Lord to come back? I have found that in this life we are constantly waiting for something. As a Christian, we are constantly waiting for Jesus. I wish to always be that way and want the heavens to open up and take me home. Now, to take me from my problems, no. I was being absolutely ridiculous on purpose. I am sorry you don't know me that well.

And finally, if you believe that depression and despair is not godly, you are wrong. Read Ecclesiastes. King Solomon sounds a lot more depressed than I could ever be. I think sometimes when one is depressed it is because they see the world for what it is----emptiness---- because all of humanity is vile and sinful. At times with my own sin, and with the sin of this world, I wonder why God just doesn't blast this whole world apart in anger. But He is not me, and thank goodness for that. And I have always been a melancholy person. This is not bad, I think it makes me more artistic. :)

Thank you for your encouragement, I know you meant well, but I have a feeling that you would be one of those people who would tell me to smile when I am keeping a straight face. There are people like you, who are very chipper and gleeful, and then there are people like me, who are very sombre and dull.

Ask God why I am the way I am, He created me.

R said...

Groovy, I totally agree with you. I think it is part of Christianity to experience dark feelings. Again, look at Solomon or David. There are many examples though. I think as well, weakness is a blessing because God uses it to make us strong in Him. I am not going to attempt to put a guise on my weakness. We need to admit we are weak and then He can work through us. If we don't we never need Him. Am I right or am I right?

You have been a good example to me of a depressed person who has triumphed because God gave you strength. You have bouts here and there just like I do. And you know what? To see it is beautiful.

R said...

Angelwings---Oh I forgot. I DO complain a lot. I've got to work on that. Thanks for pointing that out.

Again, sometimes it is a joke, which I will not quit doing, but other times it is real, and I do need to be more thankful.

Uncle Joe said...

I'm sort of glad this got cleared up.
For those of us who don't really know you, your sense of humor may not come through on the blog very clear.
I get accused of the same thing in real life and on the blog. I say things in a dry, deprecating manner and even family sometimes can't tell when I'm serious or joking.
The problem occurs when I'm DEAD serious about something and NOBODODY believes me.
I'm not a huge fan of feel good songs all the time.
I like songs that get real with life's problems.
I still say great song and you should be touring because you have something to say maybe in a way that nobody else can.

Groovy Mom said...

I supposed it's because I have been depressed that I was sensitive to what Angelwings had to say. It's not easy to be a depressed Christian. In fact, it is excruciating at times, when other well meaning Christians tell you that it must be because of some sin in your life, or if you would just pray more you'd be cured, or obviously you don't really trust in the Lord or these feelings of despair would not be with you. That's like telling an amputee that if they really trusted in the Lord they would grow back a new leg. Certainly it could happen. God is God, but I've never seen him work that way in my life. Usually he uses the condition for his ultimate purposes, whatever they may be.