How many clogged toilets can you unclog during one week? I mean, I unclog one at least once a day. I greatly encourage the roughage, but gee whiz, I don't think it helps at all. I think my kids all hold it in until it turns into a baseball thus ending in the result of a clogged toilet. I did indeed use my specialized unclogging skills by using a plastic knife to slice the offending plugger in the past, but alas, I have run out of knives, and thankfully, the excreted matter has shrunk to a manageable size of just getting stuck in the pipes and I can not see it to wield my knife anyway if I had one. I need some serious plastic knives for future use.

This morning I had to unclog a toilet. It was 6:30. I knew it was clogged because I had been jolted awake by my daughter who declared that her bed was wet and I needed to change her sheets at 4:30. In my half-asleep state, I made her a new bed and went to her bathroom to empty my bladder. Upon turning around, I noticed that a gift was left there, possibly ignored for a good handful of hours. It was lurking and quite murky. In my unbalanced state of wretched sleepiness, I vowed that I would take care of it first thing in the morning and didn't flush. 

Six-thirty did indeed roll around quickly and I did not anticipate it. It seems that everyone woke up before me, using the bathroom. I jumped up with a start to prevent overflows, but someone went in the bathroom and flushed. Crap. I mean, no pun, uh, holy cow. I hurriedly put on my pajama bottoms and got the plunger. The turbo one that is blue. Thankfully the overflow did not occur and I just needed to fix it. 

First thing in the morning is not my forte. I almost threw up. 

Because I was half asleep I left the offending comet-doused plunger in the bucket I allotted for it next to the shower. I had to get out of the room otherwise I would be christening my just clean toilet (I clean it after I pump it) with whatever I did not finish digesting from dinner. 

And so once the morning really got rolling and I ordered all the crazies about, the Oldest declared from the bowels of the bathroom, "The plunger! It is in my way! What should I do with this thing!" He wandered around with it, holding the bucket handle, walking around in circles and ranting at the top of his lungs. He almost put the offensive thing on my bed. " I can't even get into the shower!" he hollered in great distress.

"You can't even get in the shower, " I repeated.

"Yes!!!!" he flamed, holding the bucket aloft, the blue plunger tilting slightly.

"Put that thing down!" I pointed, "In the hall!"

He circled around the little rug in the hall and decided to lean it against the door frame. He went back into the bathroom to start his shower. "And WHO is the one that keeps putting the inner curtain OUT of the shower because I have to remove it EVERYDAY and it is getting really annoying! I mean, what is this madness?"

"Someone took a bath, DUH!" shouted Eraser-Eater from the room down the hall.

"Well people should be taking SHOWERS!" he blasted. 

"You are not a parent!" I called through the closed bathroom door.

"Yes, Mom," he murmured. 


thislittlepiggy said...

I was doing the same thing just minutes ago. My plunger is green. It is cheap. Not very effective. Jay bought it. He has NO idea the level of power that is needed. SIGH.

J said...

Wow. My girls are still sleeping. I think I'll leave them there. The way your mornings are going, I'm not about to test the waters!

Jen - Queen of Poo said...

Chaos! It made my head hurt. I'm always reminding someone around here that they are not a parent. Usually my 10 year old.

Dapoppins said...

You lost me when you cut the poop.

Oh the joys of motherhood.

The Doozie said...

I'm with dapoppins. Although once I read you were out of plastic knives, my mind began to conjure up all sorts of other items you could use instead.

And as Walter would say


Leslee said...

What a CRAPpy way to start the day!

Leslee said...

PS, I have to tell Peanut she's not the parent too. She wants Baby B to be HER baby so she can boss him around, but she doesn't want to change poopy diapers or hold him when he's cranky, or feed him.... just boss him around.

Aunt Jo said...

You lead an intersting life.

Full of.....well you know.

bristowmom said...

I finally remembered to check out your blog, which you told me I should do after the Christmas tree day. That post DID make me laugh but, sick though it is, poop is funnier. I am right there with you on regular plunging of toilets. I often think I should get some award for my skill with the plunger. However, if there was a contest you would probably win. I mean - with 1 kid more than me you no doubt get extra practice. Remember Mrs. Sinta's post about her son wanting her to observe the horror that had just come out of him? I cannot imagine not being able to look at that since we so regularly look at disgusting stuff. Maybe it doesn't take too many years of NOT spending your days unclogging toilets to forget about it and, once again, be unable to look into someone else's mess. We can only hope, right?