Last night when I went to pick up a pizza for dinner ( at this great new brick oven place down the road), I saw that they had not even put my order in and I called two hours ahead of time. My ticket was still on the counter, waiting to be placed in the kitchen.
So I went to the grocery store to kill time.
I had forgotten all about Valentine's Day, not that I put much stock into it. But I at least get my kids a pack of sweethearts or something. If the Professor is lucky I get him a card. We're not entirely cheesy romantic.
When entering a store, I never take myself seriously enough. I never grab a cart, I hardly ever grab a basket (tote). By the end of my visit my arms are (literally) ridiculously full and people are looking at me strange.
"You got a lot there," some guy would say.
"Yeah, I am an idiot."
Every time I do it I tell myself I will not do it again, but I always do. I see patterns. I do things the hard way all the time. If there is an easier way to do it, I never choose that route.
So last night I had a large bottle of beer (I had forgotten to put the Prof.'s beer in the fridge), six packs of sweethearts, a pack of candy for the Girl, a Valentine card, two protein bars, a bottle of Caesar dressing, a box of tea, and something else. I just remembered that I had thirteen items and I went into the 12 items or fewer lane and felt guilty for it. My arms were overflowing and I must say I did look quite idiotic.
That reminds me of when I ever do those big grocery shops and I actually do use a cart. When I get home, I try my best to get every single bag in both of my hands. And I mean about ten bags in each hand. I consider it some stupid challenge to get the trunk closed despite this. I also find it a further challenge to get up the porch steps. Often I have to turn sideways to get to the door. Then, not one of the fruits of my womb ever hold the door open. I think they get the idea that I want to be tortured, not helped. In addition, as I am holding twenty bags at one time, I have already made sure that The Oldest (who is nearly 12) is holding the gallon of milk. When he dares whine about that (which is certain to happen) I turn slightly in the cramped porch and say in all my furious glory, "LOOK! I am carrying twenty bags!!!!!!! Deal with it!"
My anger then fuels me just enough to get me to somehow open the door with my foot or nose, or whatever means I have to provide for myself and I put all the groceries in one heap on the floor of the kitchen.
If The Professor is around, he would say, "Make trips! make trips!"
But when he is indeed around, I don't quite go as nuts because he would never allow me to be so moronic. And he helps. And he doesn't cry out that the gallon of milk is draining all of his strength.
Green Cathedral
Madness in a high-ceilinged building.
Followers
People in my Holy Place
The Professor----Formerly known as Dear Sir, my husband, the man of the house
The Oldest----Known in younger years as Mickey Mouse, and now he is embracing adulthood by being over 18.
Eraser Eater----Well-known for his old habit of eating erasers and whining about ridiculous things. Now he eats Tabasco sauce and says little in his 15 years.
The Girl---The one who is still more mature than I am at 13.
The Oldest----Known in younger years as Mickey Mouse, and now he is embracing adulthood by being over 18.
Eraser Eater----Well-known for his old habit of eating erasers and whining about ridiculous things. Now he eats Tabasco sauce and says little in his 15 years.
The Girl---The one who is still more mature than I am at 13.
18 comments:
Rachel, I hate to say this. You probably won't see it as good news, but you are my younger self.
I used to go to the grocery store and not get a cart and carry all the ding-danged stuff in my arms. Now I'm the opposite, and I grab a cart no matter what. I think it looks just as ridiculous to show up at the checkout with one can of refried beans in a great big grocery cart, don't you?
Oh well.
I also do the grocery bag challenge and then yell at all my kids when I get in the door, "Look at me! I could use some help!"
Sometimes, though, I'm really smart and I call my kids on my cell while I'm on my way home. I tell them I will be home shortly and I want them to have shoes on and to watch for me. On those occasions I just open the back of the van and waltz to the house with nothing in my hands.
We do get smarter about things, Rachel, my young self. ;-)
i think my wife has solved this problem....she goes to safeway EVERY day (sometimes several times in one day) and never buy's more than 5 things at a time.
all hell breaks loose when i periodically suggest that maybe she should make a FREAKIN LIST, and therefore not have to go there every day.
(AND, i'm always running out of deodourant)
I like to grocery shop. I like using a buggy. Yea, I'm weird like that.
during my retail years when I would see a damsel or mansel in distress like that I would bring them a shopping cart.
customer service is dead these days.
1. Next time, mash both protein bars together to make it appear that they are one, double-sized bar. This will get your item count down to 12.
2. We must share a common ancestor somewhere back on the tree. I, too, try to get all (or at least most) of the bags inside the house in one trip. When I am finished, there are red grooves cut into my fingers. And to think, I have a college education.
3. The sackers at the grocery store for some reason never put my milk in a sack (it's, like, got a handle already, dude), so I have to be Mr. Old Fart Curmudgeon and ask them to do this. This allows me to carry the milk in in sacks and make the grooves in my fingers even redder and deeper.
4. A good foot rub, administered by a skilled husband, forgives all sins and heals all wounds.
By the way, on a completely different subject, when my wife's family gets hold of a name they like, they use it over and over.
These people are (or were) named "Rachel":
1. My wife's mother
2. My wife's sister
3. My wife's grandmother
4. My wife's great-grandmother
5. My wife's cousin's daughter
When we have a family get together and someone calls for "Rachel," about half the women in the room turn their heads and answer, "What?"
Bringing in groceries from the car is my least favorite job. When I get home, I pretend to be the helpless Queen. I walk in the house with only my purse and search for peasants to come and carry in the stuff. Never mind that it may be more work to locate the serfs; I have just done the martyr's job of selecting and purchasing everything. It is SOMEONE ELSE'S JOB to bring in the groceries. I probably buy a lot more stuff than you do since I shop for five adults, but even if I did not, I would be just as egocentric about it.
I am SO laughing!! What is it about carrying twenty bags all at once? I do it too! I have this other thing about carrying all four folding card table chairs down the basement steps (or up) at the same time. I have a bad shoulder so this is NOT good for me to do. BUT, I hate to make too many trips. I end up banging into the wall or snagging a leg of a chair on a bag haning on the rail. But, I did it in one trip!!
I've been reading your smart half's blog.
I don't think I'm intelligent enough to leave a comment over there.
I use the basket and fill it to overflowing, carrying what I can't fit in it.
We have to put $1 or $2 in the slot now to get a trolley (cart) and when we return it, we get the coin back. When we got back from our vacation overseas, we went to the supermarket to do some shopping and to get money so we didn't have any coins to use. (They had started this 'new' thing the week before). Now I just visit the supermarket more regularly. One day I'll resort to using a trolley again.
I am so with you on the carrying a dozen bags at the same time. Really for the hassle it is, it is much easier to make a second trip. But by God, I will NOT DO TAKE 2 TRIPS! :)
this is funny because i always try to get away with taking all the bags at once, but then again I have to climb stairs to our stupid apartment. when the boy is with me he seriously wants to take more bags than me, he is trained that way. or maybe he's just worried about his pathetic old mom dying and him having to go live with mean people forever and ever
ooohhhh....guess what, you know how i said i'd never heard of vanna white. well i'm watching tv on saturday afternoon, and on comes 'the naked gun 33 1/3 - the final insult'. near the end, all hell is breaking loose at the oscars ceremony and vanna white makes a cameo to present an oscar. i still don't know who she is, but i now know what she looks like.
hows that for co-incidence.
Ever since I read this post, I think of you everytime I pick up a basket at the supermarket. Yesterday my dh and I picked up a basket and then started holding things as well. He offered to get another basket but I thought of you and said that this would do. :) We can hold the extra. LOL
Groovy---I see. I see. I will learn eventually, I guess. I am sure if you were closer we would be best buds. I am sure of it.
Ponder---My husband always tells me to bring a list too.
Lisa--you are not weird. You are SMART.
Uncle Joe---Now that's customer service.
Muley---I especially like number four. Number one cracked me up, number three is hilarious because here, it never fails, they just automatically put milk in a bag for you. No questions. We in this area are so busy it would be sinful.
And that cracks me up about your family. Good name. :)
Shealy---I need to do that, but I can't fool them now. Apparently they think I can accomplish just about anything. They periodically just hand me stuff and expect me to work a miracle with it. I got a kick out of reading your helpless account though. Awesome.
Anne---you are of my same breed. No, we never stop at just grocery bags, do we? I about kill myself trying to transport a million things when moving about. LOL
Uncle Joe---Yes you are. Of course you are. He just intimidates me a little bit is all. I try to say something funny now and then and once in awhile he responds. It is all seriousness----except when he talks about Tom Cruise.
Carolanne---you got me at putting money in a slot. You have to pay for a buggy? Are you serious?
Ali---Cut from the same cloth, you and I.
Doozie---how did I know your son would not allow it? Fierce little boy.
Ponder---That is hilarious about Vanna! See, now you know what she looks like! Too skinny! I guess that is from eating too many cookies without chocolate chips! Ha ha!
Carolanne---I am so glad that this reminds you of me! and all the way in Australia!! LOL!!!
Well, all I know is that there's something wrong with this world when you can carry $75 worth of gorceries in one trip. The end is near. Repent.
hahah, MR Coffee always did that with like 3 gallons of milk, a sack of potatoes and THEN 20 bags as he'd run up the stairs as fast as he could go.
You crack me up.
You're so funny.
My husband too likes to carry all the bags in one trip. Me, I like my little fingers to not hurt so I make trips. We've also trained Peanut to stand with the door open!
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