Bono Was My Boyfriend

The other day I went out and found some used CDs at the local used cd store. I found the recent Travis CD, some Richard Ashcroft CD (formerly from the Verve) and U2's Rattle and Hum. Usually I would not have picked up the U2 disc because I know it so stinking well and I have gotten tired of U2. I used to have the CD and I let someone borrow it....you know how that goes. People rarely return things. Anyway, Dear Sir had been getting "Silver and Gold" stuck in his head so he bought it on itunes. I figured when I found the whole disc I could listen to "Heartland" once again and "Desire." Triple score. It got me thinking about how obsessed a fan I was in highschool.

I loved U2. I mean LOVED them. I actually had a huge love for Bono (back before he was such an annoying political icon) and I thought he was my "boyfriend". At least, that is what I would tell people. I went to school in the South (I was formerly from California, so I was a bit different in everyone's estimation) so no one knew who the heck Bono was. No one knew hardly who U2 was. I wore U2 shirts all the time, spent my money on U2 memorabilia, cds, buttons, postcards, banners, posters, you get me. I only say that people in my school did not know who U2 was because they were BEHIND. The South is always behind. If someone walked around with a Depeche Mode shirt on, no one would know who they were. "Who the heck is that?!" they would say. You would just have to roll your eyes because they were so steeped in Hootie and the Blowfish and Collective Soul that it made you want to puke. So, point is, I was a sort of weirdo in school, always donning some U2 junk, claiming Bono was my boyfriend. I was so used to saying this that it just sort of "stuck" with me even when I had "real" boyfriends. They would just roll their eyes at me. I remember specifically one time I borrowed a "Kill Bono" shirt from my boyfriend (he was rather sick of Bono) and wore it to school to freak people out. They all almost had heart attacks. They thought I had lost my mind.

I wore U2 shirts so much, in fact, that the teachers started to notice. My American History teacher (who got off the subject very liberally, I may add) noted my shirt and said, "U2? Oh yeah, I remember a band called U2. They opened for (I can't remember---someone stupid) during their first album...."

"Boy?" I said.

"Yeah, I guess----Uh, and the lead singer---he was really sort of annoying and energetic---he danced around quite a bit and jumped on the amps and stuff." I am sure he had something more to say about it, but it wasn't from a fan's perspective, so I sort of blocked it out. All I remember is the class looking at me and laughing and feeling like they knew then a little something about U2, now that the teacher had some experience with them.

I told a recent friend one time (who is a bit older than me and was partying before I was born) a few years ago that I was a big U2 fan in my old days. He said, "Yeah. They sucked. They opened up for this really great band called the 'Suburban Lawns'. You had to see them. They were great."

The Suburban Lawns? Huh? WE ARE TALKING ABOUT U2!!!!!!

Anyway, let's fast forward to my days when the kids were very little and I was living in Idaho with no car to my name and I was in the little house with the big huge hedge.

A salesman comes to the door. He is blonde, young and fresh out of college, and sort of good looking in a foreign sort of way. He has tote bags full of books and he is trying to sell them to me. His accent is thick.
"You are from Ireland," I say.

"Yes, let me show you these books."

"Anything, for a guy from Ireland," I say to him. {I know I must have sounded stupid. I had a kid on my hip, a kid trying to get out the door, and it was BLAZING hot outside. Gotta love those hot Idaho days. Ick. This Irish guy was sweating like a sieve.}

We look at the books on the porch. I have no money, there is no chance of me buying the books. I have, what? Thirteen dollars in the bank?

"I used to be a huge U2 fan," I say like a school girl.

"Ooh, yes," he says and smiles as he looks up (am sure, thinking of the Emerald Isle).

He is holding a pen and he is showing me prices on a chart.

"Bono was my boyfriend in highschool," I continue. I am, of course, remembering the good ol' days when everyone knew he was my boyfriend, even though he wasn't.

The guy drops his pen and stares at me blankly, like he has seen a ghost. He mumbles, "Bon---boyfr--?"

"It's a joke," I said, "I used to be so obsessed with Bono that I used to call him my boyfriend."

He laughs heartily, feeling like a fool, picks up his pen and says, "You really had me there."